The Jokes Thread

[kuttakumar]

I don't know whether it has been posted before.


WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND:Whoops I slipped my tongue again.

 

[Karachi Xpress]

Lol...Thats a good one Kutta!

 

[Karachi Xpress]

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of

the street.

A tall lady answered the door.



Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living

room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow

droppings onto the carpet.



"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful

vacuum cleaner, I will eat all this s...!" exclaimed the eager salesman.



Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.



The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, Madam?"



"We just moved in, & there's no electricity in the house!"

 

[GrayNicolls]

Nice one Karachi. Some great jokes here! I'm surprised I didn't notice this before!

 

[DJ Ager]

What do you call Wayne Rooney on a housing estate?

At home

 

[kamrandahir]

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker Function and says, Hello?"
Everyone else in the room stops to listen:

WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure. Go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new2006 models. I saw one I really liked.

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing.... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking for $950,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make them an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go an extra 50 thousand.

WOMAN: Ooh! Wonderful! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "I love you, too."

The man closes up. The other guys in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment.

He smiles and asks, "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

 

[surendar]

:laugh :laugh :laugh

Nice joke kamrandahir!!! :happy

 

[JikJak]

heres one:

why did the boy kill himself after doing his homework,

he wanted to meet the deadline :rtfl

 

[Karachi Xpress]

Great ones guys!

JikJak ur sig is above the limits..Th limit is 300x100...Change it before a mod does!

 

[JikJak]

i have got rid of it

 

[kamrandahir]

? You = cute
You = hot
You = sweet
You = intelligent
You = amazing
You = perfect
Me = a great liar.
---------------------------------------------------
? SMOKE everyday!
SMOKE means
S=send
M=me
O=one
K=kool SMS
E=everyday
So plz feel free to Smoke.request u 2 b a Chain Smoker.gud day.....
---------------------------------------------------
DESI JOKES

? Today i was cooking chicken when i added green palak.

Chicken started singing & dancing :

" HUM PE YE KIS NE HARA RANG DALA
MAR DALA MAR DALA "
---------------------------------------------------
? Rose,Lotus,Tulips,Sunflower all flowers are nice and sweet but they have no comparison with U bcoz Gobhi ke phool ki to baat hi alag hoti hai.....
---------------------------------------------------

 

[Karachi Xpress]

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a "cup holder"?"

Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped; it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, like at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."

 

[DJ Ager]

Blonde walks into a cinema and goes up the ticket master and goes:

"How old do you have to be to get into a 15"

 

[mehkar]

nice one guys keep it up
read it
The captain of a team says to the Umpire, "My players want to know if there is a penalty for thinking." The Umpire says, "No." The captain says, "Well we think you're an asshole, then."

 

[surendar]

How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM.

1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away

How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM
1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake
25. Drive on.