kookaburra69
International Coach
- Joined
- Jun 19, 2006
- Online Cricket Games Owned
haha good joke mate,took me a while to get it,with me being blond and all
The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter scorpion_rulezz
- Start date
Left_Hander
Chairman of Selectors
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2006
- Online Cricket Games Owned
I have heard that one before. I quite like that joke. It is a good one.
Train Ride Joke
A WW II American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supplyboat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit down.
Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her.
"Could I please sit in that seat" he asked. The lady was insulted. "You Americans are so rude." she said, "Cant you see my dog is sitting there?"
He walked through the train more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place.
"Lady, I love dogs - have a couple at home- so I would be glad to hold your dog if I can sit down." he said.
The lady replied "You Americans are not only rude, you are arrogant."
He leaned against the wall for a time, but was so tired he finally said "Lady, Ive been on the front lines in Europe for three months with not a decent rest for all that time. Could I please sit there and hold your dog?
"The lady replied "You Americans are not only rude and arrogant.You are also obnoxious."
With that comment, the soldier calmly stepped in, picked up the dog, threw it out the window, and sat down. The lady was speechless.
An older, neatly dressed Englishman sitting across on the other seat spoke up. "Young man, I do not know if all you Americans fit the ladys description of you or not. But I do know that you Americans do a lot of things wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you hold your fork with the wrong hand, and now you have just thrown the wrong b*tch out of the window."
A WW II American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supplyboat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit down.
Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her.
"Could I please sit in that seat" he asked. The lady was insulted. "You Americans are so rude." she said, "Cant you see my dog is sitting there?"
He walked through the train more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place.
"Lady, I love dogs - have a couple at home- so I would be glad to hold your dog if I can sit down." he said.
The lady replied "You Americans are not only rude, you are arrogant."
He leaned against the wall for a time, but was so tired he finally said "Lady, Ive been on the front lines in Europe for three months with not a decent rest for all that time. Could I please sit there and hold your dog?
"The lady replied "You Americans are not only rude and arrogant.You are also obnoxious."
With that comment, the soldier calmly stepped in, picked up the dog, threw it out the window, and sat down. The lady was speechless.
An older, neatly dressed Englishman sitting across on the other seat spoke up. "Young man, I do not know if all you Americans fit the ladys description of you or not. But I do know that you Americans do a lot of things wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you hold your fork with the wrong hand, and now you have just thrown the wrong b*tch out of the window."
blackleopard92
Panel of Selectors
Value of doing business with ICICI Bank
Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, "Mona, did we pay our Rs 5 lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?"
"Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says.
"One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the car loan to them too this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Rajiv," begged Mona. "I didn't send that one, either."
Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years, Mona pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you hug me?"
Rajiv answers, "We are saved, they'll find us!!!"
Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, "Mona, did we pay our Rs 5 lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?"
"Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says.
"One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the car loan to them too this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Rajiv," begged Mona. "I didn't send that one, either."
Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years, Mona pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you hug me?"
Rajiv answers, "We are saved, they'll find us!!!"
kamrandahir
Club Cricketer
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"
Abhas
Retired Administrator
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2004
- Location
- New Delhi, India
lol...nice one leo...
Concept selling!!!
Dad : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : I want to choose my own bride.
Dad : But the girl is Ambani's daughter.
Son : Well, in that case......yes.
Next, the dad approaches Mukesh Ambani
Dad : I have a husband for your daughter.
Ambani : But my daughter is too young to marry.
Dad : But this young man is a vice- President of the World Bank.
Ambani : Ah, in that case.....yes.
Finally, the dad goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Dad : I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.
President : But I already have more vice-presidents than I need.
Dad : But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law.
President : Ah, in that case.......yes.
Concept selling!!!
Dad : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : I want to choose my own bride.
Dad : But the girl is Ambani's daughter.
Son : Well, in that case......yes.
Next, the dad approaches Mukesh Ambani
Dad : I have a husband for your daughter.
Ambani : But my daughter is too young to marry.
Dad : But this young man is a vice- President of the World Bank.
Ambani : Ah, in that case.....yes.
Finally, the dad goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Dad : I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.
President : But I already have more vice-presidents than I need.
Dad : But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law.
President : Ah, in that case.......yes.
Harrypotter_fan
Panel of Selectors
nice 1
Karachi Xpress
Chairman of Selectors
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2005
- Location
- Canada
Thats great Abhas!
A man wanted to enter an exclusive club but did not know
the password
that was required. He waited by the door and listened.
A club member knocked on the door and the doorman said,
"twelve." The
member replied, "six " and was let in.
A second member came to the door and the doorman said,
"six." The
member replied, "three" and was let in.
The man thought he had heard enough and walked up to the
door. The
doorman said ,"ten" and the man replied, "five."
But he was not let in. What should have he said?
Comon guys, put on your thinking caps & get the
solution......
The Answer is below!
Ans:- 3
The man had to reply the number of characters in the word
the Doorman
was asking.
He should have replied Three instead of Five.
I bet u'll read the question again....
A man wanted to enter an exclusive club but did not know
the password
that was required. He waited by the door and listened.
A club member knocked on the door and the doorman said,
"twelve." The
member replied, "six " and was let in.
A second member came to the door and the doorman said,
"six." The
member replied, "three" and was let in.
The man thought he had heard enough and walked up to the
door. The
doorman said ,"ten" and the man replied, "five."
But he was not let in. What should have he said?
Comon guys, put on your thinking caps & get the
solution......
The Answer is below!
Ans:- 3
The man had to reply the number of characters in the word
the Doorman
was asking.
He should have replied Three instead of Five.
I bet u'll read the question again....
moza1
Club Cricketer
Ah, i get it, that was pretty clever.
GrayNicolls
School Cricketer
Ah. Very clever Karachi. Good work in finding that.
In a School science class four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.
After one day, these were the results:
The first worm in alcohol --- dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke --- dead.
The third worm in sperm --- dead.
The fourth worm in soil --- alive.
So the science teacher asked the class --- "What can you learn from this experiment."
Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said. "As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms."
-----------------------------------------
Little Johnny came home from school one day and went by his mom's room. The door was open, so he looked in and saw his mom lying on the bed naked moaning and touching herself saying, "Ooh, I need a man! I need a man!"
The next day, Little Johnny got home from school and saw his mom lying on the bed naked with a naked guy on top of her. So Little Johnny ran to his room, stripped down naked, and started to touch himself, while moaning, "Ooh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.
After one day, these were the results:
The first worm in alcohol --- dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke --- dead.
The third worm in sperm --- dead.
The fourth worm in soil --- alive.
So the science teacher asked the class --- "What can you learn from this experiment."
Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said. "As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms."
-----------------------------------------
Little Johnny came home from school one day and went by his mom's room. The door was open, so he looked in and saw his mom lying on the bed naked moaning and touching herself saying, "Ooh, I need a man! I need a man!"
The next day, Little Johnny got home from school and saw his mom lying on the bed naked with a naked guy on top of her. So Little Johnny ran to his room, stripped down naked, and started to touch himself, while moaning, "Ooh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
plympilgrim
International Coach
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2006
- Online Cricket Games Owned
i don't know if this has been posted before but here it goes,
"An expectant father rang the hospital to see how his wife was getting on. By mistake he dialled the number for Lord's. "How's it goin," he asked. "Fine," came the answer. "We've got two out already and hoping to have the rest out be lunch. The last one was a duck!"
"An expectant father rang the hospital to see how his wife was getting on. By mistake he dialled the number for Lord's. "How's it goin," he asked. "Fine," came the answer. "We've got two out already and hoping to have the rest out be lunch. The last one was a duck!"
