The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter scorpion_rulezz
- Start date
treva
ICC Chairman
> David Beckham decides to go horse riding. Although he has had no
> previous experience he skilfully mounts the horse and appears to be in
> complete command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady
> pace.
>
> Victoria admiringly watching her husband.
>
> After a short time David becomes a little casual and he begins to lose
> his grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the horse around the neck
> shouting for it to stop.
>
> Victoria starts to scream and shout for someone to help her husband as
> David has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle and is only
> saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip on
> the horses neck.
>
> David decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse, but
> his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups.
>
> As the horse gallops along David's head is banging on the ground and he
> is slipping into unconsciousness.
>
> Victoria is now frantic and screams and screams for help!
>
> Hearing her screams, the Tesco Security Guard comes out of the store and
> unplugs the horse.
> previous experience he skilfully mounts the horse and appears to be in
> complete command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady
> pace.
>
> Victoria admiringly watching her husband.
>
> After a short time David becomes a little casual and he begins to lose
> his grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the horse around the neck
> shouting for it to stop.
>
> Victoria starts to scream and shout for someone to help her husband as
> David has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle and is only
> saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip on
> the horses neck.
>
> David decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse, but
> his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups.
>
> As the horse gallops along David's head is banging on the ground and he
> is slipping into unconsciousness.
>
> Victoria is now frantic and screams and screams for help!
>
> Hearing her screams, the Tesco Security Guard comes out of the store and
> unplugs the horse.
travder92
Club Captain
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2006
- Location
- Brisbane, Australia
- Online Cricket Games Owned
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - Steam PC
HAHAHA thats legendary mate.. well done
King Pietersen
ICC Board Member
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2006
- Location
- Manchester
What do Elton John and Richard Hammond have in common? they both have helmets covered with skidmarks.
Gary Glitter has been made the new Dr Who. His assistants will be K 9 and Sue 12
How do you make a chav run faster?
put a dvd player under his arm
Gary Glitter has been made the new Dr Who. His assistants will be K 9 and Sue 12
How do you make a chav run faster?
put a dvd player under his arm
travder92
Club Captain
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2006
- Location
- Brisbane, Australia
- Online Cricket Games Owned
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - Steam PC
An attractive lady from Seattle was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. A local on horseback came along and offered her a ride to the nearest town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was pretty uneventful except that every few minutes the guy would let out a "Whoop" so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Yahoo" and rode off.
"Hey, what did you do to get him so fired up?" asked the service station attendant.
"Nothing," shrugged the woman, I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.
"Lady," the attendant said, "that guy was riding bareback ..."
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was pretty uneventful except that every few minutes the guy would let out a "Whoop" so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Yahoo" and rode off.
"Hey, what did you do to get him so fired up?" asked the service station attendant.
"Nothing," shrugged the woman, I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.
"Lady," the attendant said, "that guy was riding bareback ..."
siddharth2002
National Board President<br /><a href="showthread.
Don't know if its been posted here before but here goes -
> An Australian, a South African and a New Zealand rugby fan
> are all in Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when,
> all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The
> mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi
> Arabia, so for the terrible Crime of actually being caught
> consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!
> However, after many months and with the help of very good
> lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their
> sentences down to life imprisonment.
>
> By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the
> day, their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent
> Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just
> 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for
> their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first
> wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each
> of you one wish before your whipping."
>
> The South African was first in line, he thought for a while
> and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was
> done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip
> went through. When the punishment was done he had to be
> carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
>
> The Australian was next up. After watching the South
> African's Horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to
> my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes
> before the whip went through again and the Australian was
> soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do).
>
> The New Zealander was the last one up, but before he could
> say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are
> from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is
> one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two
> wishes!"
>
> "Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", the
> Kiwi replied. In recognition of your kindness, my first
> wish is that you give me not 20 lashes but 100 lashes."
>
> "Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man,
> you Are also very brave", the Sheikh said with an admiring
> look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then
> so be it. And your second wish"? "Tie the Australian to my
> back."
> An Australian, a South African and a New Zealand rugby fan
> are all in Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when,
> all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The
> mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi
> Arabia, so for the terrible Crime of actually being caught
> consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!
> However, after many months and with the help of very good
> lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their
> sentences down to life imprisonment.
>
> By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the
> day, their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent
> Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just
> 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for
> their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first
> wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each
> of you one wish before your whipping."
>
> The South African was first in line, he thought for a while
> and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was
> done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip
> went through. When the punishment was done he had to be
> carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
>
> The Australian was next up. After watching the South
> African's Horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to
> my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes
> before the whip went through again and the Australian was
> soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do).
>
> The New Zealander was the last one up, but before he could
> say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are
> from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is
> one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two
> wishes!"
>
> "Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", the
> Kiwi replied. In recognition of your kindness, my first
> wish is that you give me not 20 lashes but 100 lashes."
>
> "Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man,
> you Are also very brave", the Sheikh said with an admiring
> look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then
> so be it. And your second wish"? "Tie the Australian to my
> back."
travder92
Club Captain
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2006
- Location
- Brisbane, Australia
- Online Cricket Games Owned
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - Steam PC
Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering.
travder92
Club Captain
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2006
- Location
- Brisbane, Australia
- Online Cricket Games Owned
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - Steam PC
Computers are like air conditioners, they stop working properly if you open Windows.
travder92
Club Captain
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2006
- Location
- Brisbane, Australia
- Online Cricket Games Owned
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - Steam PC
A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the huband keeps looking.
The wife asks: "What are you waiting for?"
The husband replies: "Autumn."
The wife asks: "What are you waiting for?"
The husband replies: "Autumn."
Master Khan
National Board President
I love that video is was really Funny LOL!!
travder92
Club Captain
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2006
- Location
- Brisbane, Australia
- Online Cricket Games Owned
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - Steam PC
Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Kentucky State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
Before N After Effect!Llo0OlLZz!
Before Marriage - - -
.....
.....
Boy: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: NO! Don't even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course! Over and over!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: NO! Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get!
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling!
After marriage - - - simply read from bottom to top
Before Marriage - - -
.....
.....
Boy: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: NO! Don't even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course! Over and over!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: NO! Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get!
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling!
After marriage - - - simply read from bottom to top
