The Jokes Thread

[Niv]

A woman went into her bosses office and complained to him that she had just been sexually harassed by a male co-worker.

"What happened?" her boss asked.

"Well, he came up behind me at the photo copier and said 'I love the smell of your hair'"

"That might not be sexual harassment. It might just be a compliment" said the boss.

"But he was 3 feet tall!!"



Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He goes over and asks Paul what's wrong.

"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Jeff.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up,"I finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped 'it' to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show".

"Sensible" says Jeff.

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, sexiest, dress you ever saw."

"And what happened then?"

"I kicked her in the face."



:cool:

 

[Karachi Xpress]

Lol...:laugh the first one was awesome!

 

[WORLD CHAMPIONS]

Indians Are Faster Than Japanese

There was a Japanese who went to India for sightseeing. On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the Airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, ?Honda, very fast! Made in Japan !!!.

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi and again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, ?Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!? And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, ?Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!?

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars.
Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was 800 rupees. !!!![

The Japanese exclaimed, ?What??? so expensive!? There upon, the driver yelled back, ?Meter, Made in India VERY VERY FAST !!!!

 

[McLOVIN]

LOL!!

“Honda, very fast! Made in Japan"

“Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!”

“Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!”

i wana hear those in asian excent!

 

[Bilal91]

lol

 

[Leggie]

Thats legendary WC! I can just imagine a Japanese person shouting out a car window....

 

[Kshitiz_Indian]

That's class WC.

 

[McLOVIN]

Posting a joke after a LONGG time, now take it easy kids

Bush, Manmohan, Aishwarya rai and Sonia Gandhi are traveling in a train. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The women and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed. Bush is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Sonia is thinking:
These Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.

Aishwarya is thinking:
Bush must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.

Bush is thinking:
Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.

Manmohan is thinking:
If this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap Bush again!!

 

[Pranav]

Woah really liked the aboove jokes.Especially the one posted by WC.

 

[Pranav]

Some jokes related to language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

 

[Chetan0304]

A Man to God

Man:"Give me a bag full of money, a job and a vehicle full of girls"

God replies:"Tataastu magane" {so it be, my son}
and then....

... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
. . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .
... . . .


Made him a bus conductor of MTC (Metropolitan Transport Corp.) Ladies special bus!

 

[Yogy]

> Dear Tech Support Team:
>
> Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 .
>
>
> I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes
> that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
> In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now
> monitors all other system activities.
>
>
> Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0 , BeerWithBuddies
> 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever
> selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while
> attempting to run my favorite applications.
>
>
> I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall '
> doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
>
>
> Please help!
>
>
> Thanks,
> "A Troubled User "
>
>
>
> REPLY:
>
>
>
> Dear Troubled User:
>
>
> This is a very common problem that people complain about.
>
>
> Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it
> is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
> Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run
> EVERYTHING !!!
>
>
> It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend
> 5.0.
>
>
> It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the
> system once installed.
>
>
> You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not
> to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony-
> Child Support) ..
>
>
> I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the
> environment.
>
>
> I suggest installing the background application " Yes Dear" to
> alleviate software augmentation.
>
>
> The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because
> ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the
> system will return to normal anyway.
>
>
> Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
> Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep
> 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use
> these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program
> NagNag 9.5 .
>
>
> Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0
> is to purchase additional software. I recommend
> Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0
>
>
> STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install
> SecretaryWithShortS kirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife
> 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
>
>
> Best of luck,
> Tech Support....


IF YOU LIKE THIS JOKE,PLEASE ADD REPUTATION.

yogy added 2 Minutes and 44 Seconds later...

A Collage boy said to his mother,"I have decided to take to politics after my studies

and clean up the mess in the world





His mother reacted to his proposition with......



"That's very nice.You can go upstairs and start with your room."

 

[shan111]

Check out this page. Dont forget to read about "Millennia Year Application Software System" and "Special High Intensity Training."
http://forums.bharat-rakshak.com/viewtopic.php?p=537218#p537218

 

[Karachi Xpress]

Nice ones there yogy and Shan

 

[McLOVIN]

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."