Lockdown tournament (SEASON 2 - Updates in first post)

[wasteyouryouth]

The Lazy Borises are pleased to annnounce two changes for their trip to face San Francisco Suckers.

Pat Brown
Keshav Maharaj

Sam Hain
Ben Duckett

Gary Ballance remains on the bench.

 

[beechcroft]

Statement from The Glasgow Grubbers Chairman

The team would like to offer their hearty congratulations to the opposition today whose doctored pitch would make the Somerset groundsman blush. We here at Glasgow have always tried to play by the rules and offer good quality sporting pitches for all and are disappointed, but not surprised, that opposition teams are not playing to the same standards of fair play. What we are concerned about though is the flagrant disregard for player safety that is on show from the tournament organisers by allowing such pitches. Someone could get hurt playing on decks like these but it seems not to matter to those in charge, nor does it appear to matter to them that their blatant bias in who they favour is obvious to all. At a time of national crisis where we need to depend on those in charge and it is sickening to see such clearly unfair practices. While we will not be pursuing legal action at this time let it be known that this tournament is on notice. We are logging and recording everything and will make our dossier available to the ICC, the CSI, NCIS, Alastair Cook and the police when the time is right.

In the meantime we will continue to prepare as best we can for our next fixture in good faith as it is clear that at least one team in the tournament should be setting a good example in these times.

Finally, it has been discovered that Cheteshwar Pujara had a black cat cross his path this morning and did not inform the management. Such a blatant disregard for team procedures and indeed the health and safety of his teammates mean we can no longer in good conscience have him as our captain. A new captain will be named before our next fixture. Also, Stuart Broad is henceforth dropped from the team for the foreseeable future due to not reporting that he received a Whatsapp message from disgraced former captain Will Porterfield three weeks ago.

It brings me no joy to release this statement but I will continue to push for fairness, justice and, most importantly, Glasgow in these testing times.

GG Chairman

I'm surprised that you didn't mention the effects that the 5G masts outside the ground had on your team's performance.

 

[beechcroft]

Captain Morgan needs to perform with the bat this time, otherwise he's in danger of losing his rum sponsorship.

 

[Dutch]

Aiming for a 6:30 start to the evening session.

Which matches are playing tonight?

 

[wasteyouryouth]

Which matches are playing tonight?

Montreal Midgets v Thunder from Group B in about 10 minutes

San Francisco Suckers v (The People's Champions) The Lazy Borises after that.

 

[wasteyouryouth]

Kolhi v Shoaib in Kenya.

5 minutes.

 

[Wavelberry]

given how low the bounce was nobody was getting hurt unless they went into the match with a pre-existing in-growing toenail.

As an addendum to the previous statement Kraigg Brathwaite did indeed have an ingrowing toenail. My opponent's statement is a clear example of the underhanded tactics employed by his team. The tournament may judge you innocently but all the eyes of the public can see the guilt.[DOUBLEPOST=1588528721][/DOUBLEPOST]

I'm surprised that you didn't mention the effects that the 5G masts outside the ground had on your team's performance.

Mate, there's three more matches to go. I don't want to run out of excuses...

 

[Dutch]

All Smiles As Lockdown Lunatics Come To Terms With New Reality



Lockdown Lunatics Chairman of selectors Ritchie Adams gave an insight into the tense and sometimes heated clearing of the air he had with his team. There were tears but also laughs and also some fun as they recollected happier days when they all met up at Ben Stokes's house to play a playful round of "Glass The Pitbull".

The main thing to come out of the meeting was the reinstating of Cook as captain and the assurance that come what may he will be captaining the side and opening, whatever the results whatever his personal stats.

Cook is a legend, Adams said, and legends have earnt the right to do what the feck they want, how they want, when they want. As a group of selectors we have been influenced far too much by the crash and grab mentality of most teams or the dirty political trash talk of teams such as that bunch of mentalists from Glasgow.

People have come to see Cook and the likes score an elegant 14 or 15 off 26 balls. Period.

Adams also noted that groundsman Barry "Who Gives A Shit" Parker has been removed from his role after he clumsily fell down three flights of stairs whilst carrying a set of knives, many of which unluckily ended up firmly in his back.

Groundsman legend Taffy "I'll Get Me Coat" Walcott has been appointed by the Lockdown Lunatics to give the pitch at Coffs Harbour a right seeing to. "No more beach volleyball" Taffy is quoted as saying, "unless it's them Brazilian girls. I just love a bouncy wicket."

Adams and Cook finished the press conference declaring that they had figured out who the best team was and wanted to stick with that for the remainder of the Lunatic's games.

 

[ahmedleo414]

 

[ahmedleo414]

Hasan Ali, after learning he's being dropped for the next match... AND HE DOESN'T GET ANY SAMOSAS FOR THIS MATCH EITHER.....

 

[wasteyouryouth]

San Fran are batting first. Fools.

 

[Dutch]

Ha ha waste is about to get wasted

 

[sonimrajk]

Thunderous turnaround by Shakib and MSD.

Neptune Gaming and Gilly's Grubs. You're on next.

Spartans after the match.

 

[wasteyouryouth]

 

[wasteyouryouth]

Well... whatever.

Spoiler: Montreal Midgets v Thunder

Spoiler: San Francisco Suckers v The Lazy Borises

The questions everyone wants to ask:

How many times have Glasgow Grubbers scored more than 170?
How many teams have been bowled out for 73?

I shall possibly do a more detailed round up tomorrow. But all anyone wants to know is that Lucky Lockdown Lunatics are bottom of Group B and Glasgow Grubbers are bottom of Group C.