Statement from Glasgow Grubbers Chairman
After the shock loss in the week we at Glasgow have taken time to look at what happened and how we can move forward. We have identified points for the team and the tournament as a whole.
1. Clear use of temporal distortions are causing a two tier system in the competition. It is with great sadness that we note that we are not the only team to be stiffed by this. It is clear that either the tournament manager or some teams have taken it upon themselves to use underhanded tactics and we demand that the organisers release full and detailed breakdowns of communications between them and teams we will name in a further statement. Failing to do this will result in a clear breach of trust and be seen as an act of aggression against Glasgow.
2. The groundsman of the team. He produced a poor pitch and has been fired for his role in our unfair defeat.
3. The captain. It is clear now that Will Porterfield holds the biggest responsibility for our loss and has been stood down from the role and dropped from the team. His boring captaincy by numbers and stooping gait are the antithesis of the style we wish to plain Glasgow. This will not be permenant if Will shows the correct amount of contrition.
4. Teammates looking to undermine the team with poor performance. The rot of Will Porterfield's reign of terror has, unfortunately, not just affected his performance but the performance of others as well. It is not the policy of the management of Glasgow Grubbers to name names but George Dockrell is a disgrace, as are others.
To this end, going forward, the team will be reforged in a new image with top-scorer Cheteshwar Pujara taking over the captaincy. He has assured me that he will be bring free-flowing cricket and the funky captaincy craved by the Glasgow fans, meanwhile only Joe Clarke and Stuart Broad at this time are confirmed starters for our next game pending our final review.
We would like to note that Pujara will not be doing an media at this time due to the ongoing hostile atmosphere directed at us in the press and will only consider re-opening relations with them if they do some actual investigation related to point 1 of this statement.
We look forward to a fair and competitive game in a our next fixture and hope that 12 Fine Legs get the beating they so richly deserved last week in their next fixture.
Glasgow Grubbers.
