The Jokes Thread

[Chetan0304]

The Sardaji couldn't see the ball because it was being bowled so fast. When the umpire calls no-ball, he says he knew that there was no ball all along. Because he couldn't see it.

I found it fairly clever. Lots of these jokes are funnier in Hindi though.

Sardar jokes rule!

 

[iridescentt]

This is a good one .....................

 

[Niv]

Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day:

First worm - dead

Second worm - dead.

Third worm - dead.

Fourth worm - alive.

This just goes to show that if you smoke, drink and have sex all day, you won't get worms!

 

[Chetan0304]

This is a good one .....................

Gay Teen Boys Media Item: Friends - DailyStrength

 

[Niv]

So I've had my GF for 2 years now (practically lives with me) - small white, petite thing, cooks for me, always been good to me.

I go away on holiday for a week, come back and something just doesn't seem right. I asked my dad if he had seen anything happen with my GF and he acts clueless.

So fast forward to 3 weeks later... I'm coming home from work when BAM clear as day, right in my Kitchen I catch my father red handed with his meat in my GF.

I was PISSED, told him to get his meat out of GF and GTFO, needless to say my GF got turned off. I just couldn't get over it and that night kicked my GF to the curb.

Now it's been 2 weeks since the incident and that I've been without my GF and about 10 minutes ago my dad had the audacity to ask my how my GF has been, when he's the damn reason we ain't together no more.

Should I get off the computer and start swinging at him?

OR

Pack my stuff and be on my way.

Here's pics of my GF for you lot as I know you'll ask.

http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/3034/85743524.jpg

 

[khalek]

Once upon a time, a Chinese man fell in love with an Eskimo man...

 

[McLOVIN]

whats up with you and your Eskimo talk today?

 

[TheGreemSim]

A man travels to a farm in New Zealand. He asks the farmer. "May I talk to your dog?" the farmer replies "Don't be ridiculous, dogs can't talk." The man ignores the farmer and says to the dog. "Does you're owner treat you well? The dog responds. "Yes, he feeds me 3 times a day and walks me every day."

The Farmer is amazed and can't believe what he's hearing. Next the man says "May I talk to your horse." The farmer replies "Don't be ridiculous, horses can't talk." Nevertheless the man walks over to the horse and asks whether the farmer treats her well. The horse replies "Yes, he feeds me 3 times a day and lets me run around in the paddock."

Needless to say the New Zealand farmer is astounded. The man then asks "May I speak to your sheep?" The Farmer looked shocked and suddenly said "The sheep lies!"

TheGreemSim added 1 Minutes and 50 Seconds later...

So I've had my GF for 2 years now (practically lives with me) - small white, petite thing, cooks for me, always been good to me.

I go away on holiday for a week, come back and something just doesn't seem right. I asked my dad if he had seen anything happen with my GF and he acts clueless.

So fast forward to 3 weeks later... I'm coming home from work when BAM clear as day, right in my Kitchen I catch my father red handed with his meat in my GF.

I was PISSED, told him to get his meat out of GF and GTFO, needless to say my GF got turned off. I just couldn't get over it and that night kicked my GF to the curb.

Now it's been 2 weeks since the incident and that I've been without my GF and about 10 minutes ago my dad had the audacity to ask my how my GF has been, when he's the damn reason we ain't together no more.

Should I get off the computer and start swinging at him?

OR

Pack my stuff and be on my way.

Here's pics of my GF for you lot as I know you'll ask.

http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/3034/85743524.jpg

Oh my god that's f'ing brilliant

 

[mattfb]

So I've had my GF for 2 years now (practically lives with me) - small white, petite thing, cooks for me, always been good to me.

I go away on holiday for a week, come back and something just doesn't seem right. I asked my dad if he had seen anything happen with my GF and he acts clueless.

So fast forward to 3 weeks later... I'm coming home from work when BAM clear as day, right in my Kitchen I catch my father red handed with his meat in my GF.

I was PISSED, told him to get his meat out of GF and GTFO, needless to say my GF got turned off. I just couldn't get over it and that night kicked my GF to the curb.

Now it's been 2 weeks since the incident and that I've been without my GF and about 10 minutes ago my dad had the audacity to ask my how my GF has been, when he's the damn reason we ain't together no more.

Should I get off the computer and start swinging at him?

OR

Pack my stuff and be on my way.

Here's pics of my GF for you lot as I know you'll ask.

http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/3034/85743524.jpg

A man travels to a farm in New Zealand. He asks the farmer. "May I talk to your dog?" the farmer replies "Don't be ridiculous, dogs can't talk." The man ignores the farmer and says to the dog. "Does you're owner treat you well? The dog responds. "Yes, he feeds me 3 times a day and walks me every day."

The Farmer is amazed and can't believe what he's hearing. Next the man says "May I talk to your horse." The farmer replies "Don't be ridiculous, horses can't talk." Nevertheless the man walks over to the horse and asks whether the farmer treats her well. The horse replies "Yes, he feeds me 3 times a day and lets me run around in the paddock."

Needless to say the New Zealand farmer is astounded. The man then asks "May I speak to your sheep?" The Farmer looked shocked and suddenly said "The sheep lies!"

LOL!!! Both are quality! rofl.

 

[Aditya]

Last two jokes are damn good keep that up waiting for more.:laugh

 

[McLOVIN]

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speaches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing. Well" he explained" By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started Ladies and Gentlemen".

On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better than that English bastard and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin. When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. "Well" he explained" By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Dear Ladies and Gentlemen".

On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself I'll go one further than those mainland bastards and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously. When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing. "Well" he explained," by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying - Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......."

 

[Pranav]

Santa went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence' Santa said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.'

'What a coincidence!' said Santa.

As they clinked glasses he added, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

'What a coincidence!' said Santa. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

'I used a different cock,' he replied.

The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, 'What a coincidence!'

 

[McLOVIN]

LOL ^^ killer joke :rtfl

 

[Aditya]

Santa went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence' Santa said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.'

'What a coincidence!' said Santa.

As they clinked glasses he added, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

'What a coincidence!' said Santa. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

'I used a different cock,' he replied.

The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, 'What a coincidence!'

:laughGreat one mate last line is the funniest line of all.:laugh:laugh

 

[McLOVIN]

umm its called the punch line?