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The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter scorpion_rulezz
- Start date
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SciD
Chairman of Selectors
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2006
- Online Cricket Games Owned
The Secretary of Defense is briefing President Bush on Iraq. "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"Oh no!" exclaims the president, "That's terrible!"
His staff is stunned at this unprecedented display of emotion, watching as Bush sits, head in hands.
Finally, he looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
"Oh no!" exclaims the president, "That's terrible!"
His staff is stunned at this unprecedented display of emotion, watching as Bush sits, head in hands.
Finally, he looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
King Pietersen
ICC Board Member
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2006
- Location
- Manchester
A few from @GaryDelaney on Twitter:
If anyone's got any tips on how to reverse cheap plastic surgery, I'm all ears.
When I heard you could now be a sperm donor by post I came in a jiffy.
I think the woman selling lamb stew at the bazaar really fancies me, she keeps giving me the eye.
It's hard finding out that you aren't your parents' favourite, especially if you're an only child.
I went to an orgy for referees but I got thrown out for fouling inside the box.
If anyone's got any tips on how to reverse cheap plastic surgery, I'm all ears.
When I heard you could now be a sperm donor by post I came in a jiffy.
I think the woman selling lamb stew at the bazaar really fancies me, she keeps giving me the eye.
It's hard finding out that you aren't your parents' favourite, especially if you're an only child.
I went to an orgy for referees but I got thrown out for fouling inside the box.
D
Dutch
Guest
A woman at the checkout is becoming nervous because a man behind her keeps looking her up and down. Finally she can't take it anymore at asks him why he keeps looking at her:
"You're single" is his short response
"How did you know?" she asks suprised "Are you a pyschic!?"
"No, you're just ugly!"
(Not my best, but it's late!)
"You're single" is his short response
"How did you know?" she asks suprised "Are you a pyschic!?"
"No, you're just ugly!"
(Not my best, but it's late!)
Karachi Xpress
Chairman of Selectors
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2005
- Location
- Canada
Baseball is better than cricket :laugh
D
Dutch
Guest
A pommie has just emmigrated to the remote outback of Australia. His neighbour,being a friendly type of person comes over and chats to him:
"G'day mate! Nice to have ya here. You should come over to my place on Friday evening. We 're gonna have a party...a real good party...there's gonna be booze and sex of all kinds....whatever tickles ya fancy....anything goes, abso-bloody-lutely anything!"
"Oh thanks. That sounds like fun. What should I wear?"
"Wear whatever you like mate; It's only going to be me and you!"
"G'day mate! Nice to have ya here. You should come over to my place on Friday evening. We 're gonna have a party...a real good party...there's gonna be booze and sex of all kinds....whatever tickles ya fancy....anything goes, abso-bloody-lutely anything!"
"Oh thanks. That sounds like fun. What should I wear?"
"Wear whatever you like mate; It's only going to be me and you!"
Pranav
ICC Board Member
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2007
- Location
- New Delhi, India
Jones and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll become a hooker.
She's not quite sure what to do, so Jones says, 'Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner.'
She's out there five minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, 'How much?'
She says, 'A hundred dollars'.
He says, 'Sh*t. All I've got is thirty'.
She says, 'Hold on.'
She runs back to Jones and says, 'What can he get for thirty dollars?' Jones says, 'A hand job'.
She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a hand job.
He says, 'Okay'.
She gets in the car; he unzips his pants and out pops a simply HUGE male unit. She stares at it for a minute, and then says, 'I'll be right back.'
She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly, 'Jones, can you lend this guy seventy bucks?'
She's not quite sure what to do, so Jones says, 'Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner.'
She's out there five minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, 'How much?'
She says, 'A hundred dollars'.
He says, 'Sh*t. All I've got is thirty'.
She says, 'Hold on.'
She runs back to Jones and says, 'What can he get for thirty dollars?' Jones says, 'A hand job'.
She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a hand job.
He says, 'Okay'.
She gets in the car; he unzips his pants and out pops a simply HUGE male unit. She stares at it for a minute, and then says, 'I'll be right back.'
She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly, 'Jones, can you lend this guy seventy bucks?'
Prithvi
10 years at Planetcricket
A guy thinks that he was in love...
He is not getting sleep, he is unable to eat anything, and he even is unable to decide in what condition he is.
Then he went to god and asked..
God replied,"
Exams are nearing. You've not learnt anything. Read the subject. You'll never get these symptoms:laugh:laugh
I hope no one would understood it..
He is not getting sleep, he is unable to eat anything, and he even is unable to decide in what condition he is.
Then he went to god and asked..
God replied,"
Exams are nearing. You've not learnt anything. Read the subject. You'll never get these symptoms:laugh:laugh
I hope no one would understood it..
Karachi Xpress
Chairman of Selectors
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2005
- Location
- Canada
That was hilarious :rtfl
Leggie
Chairman of Selectors
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2007
- Online Cricket Games Owned
Height of disappointment:
A woman realizing after long long search on Google that
Philips 21 inch is actually a TV!!!
Lmao :rtfl
:laugh:rtflHeight of disappointment:
A woman realizing after long long search on Google that
Philips 21 inch is actually a TV!!!
