The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter scorpion_rulezz
- Start date
D
Dutch
Guest
They are not everyboy's cup of tea but i personaaly like Doctor, Doctor jokes: here are a couple of little gems:
Doctor Doctor, I feel like a tennisball
I'll serve you in a minute sir!
Doctor Doctor, I'm invisible, what should I do?
I'm sorry sir but I can't see right now!
Doctor Doctor, nobody understands me!
Yes, sir, probably on Thursday!
Doctor Doctor, I feel like a tennisball
I'll serve you in a minute sir!
Doctor Doctor, I'm invisible, what should I do?
I'm sorry sir but I can't see right now!
Doctor Doctor, nobody understands me!
Yes, sir, probably on Thursday!
Aditya
ICC Board Member
They are not everyboy's cup of tea but i personaaly like Doctor, Doctor jokes: here are a couple of little gems:
Doctor Doctor, I feel like a tennisball
I'll serve you in a minute sir!
Doctor Doctor, I'm invisible, what should I do?
I'm sorry sir but I can't see right now!
Doctor Doctor, nobody understands me!
Yes, sir, probably on Thursday!
3rd one is great mate keep them coming.:laugh
P
pcfan123
Guest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the ████ out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's!
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the ████ out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's!
SciD
Chairman of Selectors
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2006
- Online Cricket Games Owned
From Sister Hellen Coleman.
Beloved:
I am the above named person from South Africa.
I am married to Mr.Lawrence Coleman who worked with South African embassy here in Abidjan Cote D'Ivoire for nine years before he died in the year 2003. We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both born again Christian. Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against.
When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $2.5Million (two.five Million U.S. Dollars)in one of the Bank here in Abidjan in a suspence account. Recently, my Doctor told me that i have serious sickness which is cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness.
Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church or individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want a church that will use this fund for orphanages, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavor that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that Blessed is the hand that giveth.
I took this decision because I don´t have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don´t want my husband´s efforts to be used by unbelievers. I don´t want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace.
I don´t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband´s relatives around me always. I don´t want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Bank here in Abidjan. I will also issue you an authority letter that will prove you the present beneficiary of this fund. I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shephard.
My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life.Contact me on the above e-mail address for more informations, any delay in your reply will give me room in sourching another church or individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hoping to receive your reply.
Remain blessed in the Lord.
Yours in Christ,
Sister Hellen Coleman
Beloved:
I am the above named person from South Africa.
I am married to Mr.Lawrence Coleman who worked with South African embassy here in Abidjan Cote D'Ivoire for nine years before he died in the year 2003. We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both born again Christian. Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against.
When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $2.5Million (two.five Million U.S. Dollars)in one of the Bank here in Abidjan in a suspence account. Recently, my Doctor told me that i have serious sickness which is cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness.
Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church or individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want a church that will use this fund for orphanages, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavor that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that Blessed is the hand that giveth.
I took this decision because I don´t have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don´t want my husband´s efforts to be used by unbelievers. I don´t want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace.
I don´t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband´s relatives around me always. I don´t want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Bank here in Abidjan. I will also issue you an authority letter that will prove you the present beneficiary of this fund. I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shephard.
My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life.Contact me on the above e-mail address for more informations, any delay in your reply will give me room in sourching another church or individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hoping to receive your reply.
Remain blessed in the Lord.
Yours in Christ,
Sister Hellen Coleman
SciD
Chairman of Selectors
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2006
- Online Cricket Games Owned
^ I didn't get that joke.
These things fill my spam box and how free are these guys. Keep sending them to so many people worldwide.
Interesting thing, 60% of people read these mails. The reason they say is they are curious to know whats in the mail.
Pranav
ICC Board Member
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2007
- Location
- New Delhi, India
A man walks into a building and tells the manager that he wants to join their organization.
The manager says, "Okay, but there is one rule you have to follow. You cannot get an erection while you are trying to join this group."
The man says OK. He is stripped of his clothing. A bell is tied around his penis and he is put into a room with nine other men who are also trying to join.
Then a naked woman is sent walking across the room and nine bells are quiet, and his is ringing away. The man begs for another chance and is given this chance. The woman walks by again and again the man's bell rings again.
The manager says to the man, "Pick up your stuff and go. You are unfit for this organization." As the man bends down to pick up his stuff, the other nine bells start ringing......
The manager says, "Okay, but there is one rule you have to follow. You cannot get an erection while you are trying to join this group."
The man says OK. He is stripped of his clothing. A bell is tied around his penis and he is put into a room with nine other men who are also trying to join.
Then a naked woman is sent walking across the room and nine bells are quiet, and his is ringing away. The man begs for another chance and is given this chance. The woman walks by again and again the man's bell rings again.
The manager says to the man, "Pick up your stuff and go. You are unfit for this organization." As the man bends down to pick up his stuff, the other nine bells start ringing......
D
Dutch
Guest
SciD
Chairman of Selectors
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2006
- Online Cricket Games Owned
Gurjot95
National Board President
- Joined
- Apr 16, 2008
- Location
- Melbourne, Australia
Banta's letter to Bill Gates
> Dear Mr.
> Bill Gates,
>
> We have bought a computer for our home and we have found
> some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
>
> 1. There is a button 'Start' but there is no
> 'Stop' button. We request you to check this.
>
> 2. One doubt is whether any 'Re-scooter' is
> available in system? I find only 'Re-cycle', but I
> own a scooter at my home.
>
> 3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working
> properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace
> the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to
> trace. Please rectify this problem.
>
> 4. My child learnt 'Microsoft Word' now he wants to
> learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide
> that?
>
> 5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is
> only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you
> will provide the remaining
> items?
>
> 6.. It is surprising that windows says 'MY
> Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine.
> So when will you keep my photo in that.
>
> 7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about
> 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
>
> 8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you
> will provide 'My Past Documents'?
>
> 9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake
> please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not
> want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
>
> Regards,
> Banta
>
> P.S.
> Last one to Mr. Bill Gates: Sir, how is it that your name
> is GATES but you are selling
> WINDOWS?
> Dear Mr.
> Bill Gates,
>
> We have bought a computer for our home and we have found
> some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
>
> 1. There is a button 'Start' but there is no
> 'Stop' button. We request you to check this.
>
> 2. One doubt is whether any 'Re-scooter' is
> available in system? I find only 'Re-cycle', but I
> own a scooter at my home.
>
> 3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working
> properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace
> the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to
> trace. Please rectify this problem.
>
> 4. My child learnt 'Microsoft Word' now he wants to
> learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide
> that?
>
> 5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is
> only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you
> will provide the remaining
> items?
>
> 6.. It is surprising that windows says 'MY
> Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine.
> So when will you keep my photo in that.
>
> 7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about
> 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
>
> 8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you
> will provide 'My Past Documents'?
>
> 9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake
> please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not
> want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
>
> Regards,
> Banta
>
> P.S.
> Last one to Mr. Bill Gates: Sir, how is it that your name
> is GATES but you are selling
> WINDOWS?
BackwardPoint
Banned
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2009
- Online Cricket Games Owned
