The Jokes Thread

[Pranav]

A young guy was complaing to his Boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend.

She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her, the young man exclaimed.

Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife, replied the Boss. Whenever she got out of hand I'd take her pants down and spank her.

Shaking his head the young guy replied, that doesn't work. Once I get her pants down I'm not mad anymore

 

[MJ Rocks]

Before Marriage

John : Ah... At last. I can hardly wait!
Jane : Do you want me to leave?
John : NO! Dont even think about it.
Jane : Do you love me?
John : Of course! Always have and always will!
Jane : Have you ever cheated on me?
John : NO!Why are you even asking?
Jane : Will you kiss me?
John : Every chance I get!
Jane : Will you hit me?
John : Hell no! Are you crazy?1
Jane : Can I trust you?
John : Yes
Jane : Darling!



After Marriage

Read from the bottom back to the top

Good find mate ..................

 

[yashwanth kumar]

A young guy was complaing to his Boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend.

She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her, the young man exclaimed.

Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife, replied the Boss. Whenever she got out of hand I'd take her pants down and spank her.

Shaking his head the young guy replied, that doesn't work. Once I get her pants down I'm not mad anymore

:laugh :laugh

 

[TumTum]

A young guy was complaing to his Boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend.

She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her, the young man exclaimed.

Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife, replied the Boss. Whenever she got out of hand I'd take her pants down and spank her.

Shaking his head the young guy replied, that doesn't work. Once I get her pants down I'm not mad anymore

TBH that doesn't sound real. And the joke on the last line isn't funny.

 

[Collingwood50]

What's Orange and sounds like a Parrot?

Spoiler

A Carrot.

 

[Masood]

Why Bill Gates SOLD OFF Microsoft?

Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft.

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice

1. There is a button ’start’ but there is no ’stop’ button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is ‘Run’ in the menu. One of my friends clicked ‘run’ he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to ’sit’, so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any ‘re-scooter’ is available in system? I find only ‘re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ‘ find’ button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt ‘Microsoft word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’, so when you will provide that?

6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows ‘MY Computer’: when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says ‘MY Pictures’ but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is ‘MICROSOFT OFFICE’ what about ‘MICROSOFT HOME’ since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided ‘My Recent Documents’. When you will provide ‘My Past Documents’?

10. You provide ‘My Network Places’. For God sake please do not provide ‘My Secret Places’. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

11. And lastly Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

Regards,

Banta
:laugh:rtfl

 

[yashwanth kumar]

^ :laugh :laugh :laugh

 

[nakul]

Why Bill Gates SOLD OFF Microsoft?

Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft.

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice

1. There is a button ’start’ but there is no ’stop’ button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is ‘Run’ in the menu. One of my friends clicked ‘run’ he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to ’sit’, so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any ‘re-scooter’ is available in system? I find only ‘re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ‘ find’ button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt ‘Microsoft word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’, so when you will provide that?

6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows ‘MY Computer’: when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says ‘MY Pictures’ but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is ‘MICROSOFT OFFICE’ what about ‘MICROSOFT HOME’ since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided ‘My Recent Documents’. When you will provide ‘My Past Documents’?

10. You provide ‘My Network Places’. For God sake please do not provide ‘My Secret Places’. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

11. And lastly Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

Regards,

Banta

Good joke Cenation

Seeing this joke for the first time.

 

[blazerix]

Why Bill Gates SOLD OFF Microsoft?

Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft.

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice

1. There is a button ?start? but there is no ?stop? button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is ?Run? in the menu. One of my friends clicked ?run? he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to ?sit?, so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any ?re-scooter? is available in system? I find only ?re-cycle?, but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is ?Find? button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ? find? button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt ?Microsoft word? now he wants to learn ?Microsoft sentence?, so when you will provide that?

6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows ?MY Computer?: when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says ?MY Pictures? but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is ?MICROSOFT OFFICE? what about ?MICROSOFT HOME? since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided ?My Recent Documents?. When you will provide ?My Past Documents??

10. You provide ?My Network Places?. For God sake please do not provide ?My Secret Places?. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

11. And lastly Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

Regards,

Banta
:laugh:rtfl

Oh my god, are you serious? :doh

 

[pcfan123]

Oh my god, are you serious? :doh

What do you expect

 

[SciD]

That's a old joke and one that has been posted in past as well.

 

[Gurjot95]

Oh my god, are you serious?

It will look funny if you are in India as most of people in India doesn't know English and they looks funny when they speak in English.

Friend863 added 0 Minutes and 41 Seconds later...

What's Orange and sounds like a Parrot?

Old joke.

 

[gougie]

Man naked, looks in the mirror and says to wife "why do i always get a hard on when i look at myself?" Wife says "because even your cock thinks your a c@nt...

 

[pcfan123]

lol gougie, now thats a good joke.

 

[gougie]

Passenger taps his taxi driver on the shoulder. The driver shits himself, swerves, nearly hits a bus and stops inches away from a shop window. "feck me, your jumpy arnt you? I only tapped your shoulder," says the passenger. "Sorry," says the cabbie, "Its my first day, ive been driving a Hearse for the last 20 years."