The Jokes Thread

[deathrevenge9]

One of the best :laugh:laugh

 

[blazerix]

A Joke:
An Elephant and a Cat met in a party.
Cat- What's your age?
Elephant-6 years
Cat-Doesn't seem to.
Elephant-Because I am a Complan Boy.BTW what's your age?
Cat-30 Years
Elephant-Yours age also doesn't seem to.
Cat- Because I use Everyuth.You couldn't know the age from my face

are you serious?

 

[Meet]

^lol
obviously no.:laugh

 

[AkshayS]

@Thedon5-that was one of the best.

 

[blazerix]

A man dials his home and a strange woman answers. The man says, "Who is this? " "This is the maid," answers the woman. "We don't have a maid," says the man. The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the lady of the house. " The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there? " The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was her husband. " The man is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000? " The maid says, "What will I have to do? " The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with. " The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone "What do I do with the bodies? " The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool. " Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool. " A long pause and the man says, "Is this 567-5309? "
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Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Giants Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Giants fan," the little hero replied. "Sorry, since we are in New York, I just assumed you were. " said the reporter and starts again. "Little Jets Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack " he continued writing in his notebook. "I'm not a Jets fan either," the boy said. "I assumed everyone in New York was either for the Giants or Jets. What team do you root for? " the reporter asked. "I'm a Cowboys fan," the child said. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Redneck Maniac Kills Beloved Family Pet. "
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A Kindergarten teacher tells her class she's a BIG Lakers fan.She's really excited about it and asks the kids if they're Lakers fans too.

Everyone wants to impress the teacher and says they're Lakers fans too, except ONE kid, ...named Josh.

The teacher looks at Josh and says, "Josh, you're not a Lakers fan?"

He says, "Nope, Im a Sacrmento Kings fan!"

She says, "Well why are you a Sacrmento Kings fan and not a Lakers fan?"

Josh says, "Well, my mom is a Sacrmento Kings fan, and my dad is a Sacrmento Kings fan, so I'm a Sacrmento Kings fan."

The teacher's not real happy. She's a little hot under the collar.

She says, "Well, if your moms an idiot, and your dads a moron, then what would you be?!"

Josh says, "Then I'd be a Laker fan!"



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An engineering student is walking on campus one day, when another engineer student rides up on a shiny new motorcycle."Where did you get such a functional bike?" asked the first.The second engineer replied: "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, spread her arms wide and said: "Take what you want."The second engineer nodded approvingly: "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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A Japanese man was boasting about how his country had such advanced medical technology. He said, "We take the lungs out of a man, perform an operation, put the lungs back in, and in 4 weeks, the man is looking for work." An Englishman said, "We are far more advanced than you. We can take the heart out of a man, perform surgery and have him ready for work in just 3 weeks." The Irishman says, "Thats nothing; we can take a kidney out of a man, put into another mans body and have them looking for work in 2 weeks." The American says, "Well hell, thats nothin. We had an idiot taken out of Texas, put in the Whitehouse and now half the country is lookin for work!"

 

[Cricketman]

Actually its called a "period."

They call it a fullstop in India.

 

[Cricketdude]

They call it a fullstop in Australia too.

 

[Cricketdude]

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"

"What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck."

Just going through the archives... this one is awesome.

 

[Karachi Xpress]

Just going through the archives... this one is awesome.

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Epic!! :laugh

 

[thedon5]

What do you call a black man flying a plane?


























A PILOT YOU RACIST!!!

 

[Meet]

Santa's essay on cow

He is a cow.He has four legs together.Two forward and two backward.He give milk from 4 taps in bottom.He is mostly girl.His loose motion is very useful green colour.His tail is in backyard with hair to frighten flies.Cow dies after death.
:laugh :rtfl

 

[pcfan123]

He is a cow.He has four legs together.Two forward and two backward.He give milk from 4 taps in bottom.He is mostly girl.His loose motion is very useful green colour.His tail is in backyard with hair to frighten flies.Cow dies after death.
:laugh :rtfl

That was the single worst paragraph I have ever read.

You Fail, harder than anything that has failed on PC before.

Just jump in front of a bus after that one, there is no coming back

You sir, are not funny and never will be

 

[Karachi Xpress]

That was the single worst paragraph I have ever read.

You Fail, harder than anything that has failed on PC before.

Just jump in front of a bus after that one, there is no coming back

You sir, are not funny and never will be

:laugh:laugh:laugh:laugh:laugh:laugh

 

[TumTum]

He is a cow.He has four legs together.Two forward and two backward.He give milk from 4 taps in bottom.He is mostly girl.His loose motion is very useful green colour.His tail is in backyard with hair to frighten flies.Cow dies after death.
:laugh :rtfl

Wtf was that?

 

[AkshayS]

That was the single worst paragraph I have ever read.

You Fail, harder than anything that has failed on PC before.

Just jump in front of a bus after that one, there is no coming back

You sir, are not funny and never will be

liked this one rather the one above it.