The Jokes Thread

[Dipak]

 

[kushy28]

Teacher is taking classes to his students.......................

Teacher: Tell me a sentence starting with I

Student: I is the.........

Teacher: Don't say I is you should use am whenever you use I.

Student: I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

 

[VC the slogger]

One should never force a child to pray. Here's why :-

The neighbours had come over for dinner at Little Johnny's place. As they sat down for dinner, father asked Little Johnny to do the prayers.

Johnny replied "But dad, I'm scared." His father told him to just be honest and say what he felt best.

So as everyone joined hands, Johnny began "Dear Lord, thank you for bringing the kid who ate my cookies. Please bless him with food so that he doesn't take mine. Also forgive his elder brother who undressed my sister and started wrestling with her. I'm sure he wont do that again. Speaking of clothes, I want you to bless all the naked women on my dad's phone with clothes. Seriously, they need it. And lastly, I want you to provide shelter to the homeless man who sleeps with my mom when dad goes to work. Thank you, amen."

As a result no one had dinner that night and all the delicious food went cold and was ruined.

 

[kushy28]

Interviewer: imagine that u r in room with all doors & windows closed & it caught fire, now how can u escape?
Sardar ji: very simple, I'll stop imagining...

 

[Themer]

Or open the doors and walk out.

 

[Bevab]

Phew... Thank God you're here to save this thread.

 

[AkshayC]

A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.

When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more. She filed a court case on him.

In the court the man's defence was:-

When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was
pregnant.

She sat under an advertisement, which read "Coming Soon- The unknown boon"..

I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving
advertisement, which read:- "William's stick did the trick"..

Then I could not control myself any longer, when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:-

"Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident"..

 

[kushy28]

Dentist:
- Don?t worry, it will take me only a minute to pull your tooth out.
Patient:
- And how much will it cost me?
- 100$.
- For a 1 minute job?!
- If you prefer, I can be pulling it out for one hour...

 

[Dipak]

HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! p

 

[kushy28]

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

 

[AkshayC]

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Man you are awesome.
Hats-Off, Bow- Down etc (I'm out of words )

 

[kushy28]

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.
He simply answered: ?I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams.?
Never forget to ?Think Outside of the Box.?

 

[Sulaiman7]

^ You're awesome man !

 

[sami ullah khan]

But why is this in jokes thread?

 

[BlitzBerg]

But why is this in jokes thread?

That was the joke!