The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter scorpion_rulezz
- Start date
borncricketer
Panel of Selectors<br><a href="http://www.planetcr
great jokes once again
scorpion_rulezz
Club Cricketer
Thanx Don & Borncricketer
HERE ARE SOME MORE
BLIND DATE
Banta sets up Santa to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Santa is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before.
"What do I do if she's ugly?" says Santa, "I'll be stuck with her all night.
"Don't worry," Banta says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaaaaauuuuuuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack.
"So that night, Santa knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: ..."Aaaaaaaaaaauuugguuughhh!"
ANSWERS THAT CRACK!! (MY FAVOURITE ONE
)
Santa and Banta apply for a job. Santa wants that Banta get the job, as he is less intelligent.
On the interview day, Santa says, "First I will go inside and answer all the questions except the last one and after coming out, I will give you all the answers and questions. So you go and answer and you?ll get the job." So Santa goes in.
Employer: ?When did we get independence??
Santa: ?Efforts began in 1857, but we got freedom in 1947?
Employer: ?Good. Who?s our PM??
Santa: ?It changes daily and these days it?s Atal Behari Vajpayee?
Employer: Ok. What is India?s population?
Santa: (He was not to reply last one) ?Good question, research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you sir.?
He comes out and tells Banta about all the questions and answers. Banta was really excited and he remembers all the answers but forgets all the questions. So he goes in now.
Employer: When were you born?
Banta: Efforts started in 1857 but we got freedom in 1947.
Employer: What? Who?s your father?
Banta: It changes daily and these days it`s Atal Behari Vajpayee.
Employer
he s upset now) Are you mad Mr. Banta?
Banta: Good question sir, research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you.
BREATHALYZER TEST!
Once a police officer pulls over Banta who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to Banta`s window and says "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
Banta says, "Sorry officer I can not do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I will have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can not do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I will bleed to death."
"Well, then we need a urine sample."
"I am sorry officer I can not do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I will get really low blood sugar."
"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can not do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I am too drunk to do that."
SARDARS BUSINESS IDEAS
Sardars' Business There were 4 sardars in Mumbai.
They decided to start a business. After considerable discussion they finally decided to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel. The hotel was inaugurated and was awaiting its first customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day. A week passed, but nobody turned up. WHY ?
.......... B'coz there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed" After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They
bought the best of car servicing equipment's and soon started the garage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car
entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2 days, a week but no car came to their garage. WHY ? B'coz their garage was on the first floor.
After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look
for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to
Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed
their taxi. WHY ? B'coz all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi!! All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their fate and decided to
push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did
not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldn't
move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldn't budge. WHY ? B'coz two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.
PROFESSOR SARDAR
Sardar Singh was very keen on doing his Ph.D. He was in search of a subject on which no one did any research before! As he was thinking over it, he found a cockroach on the table in from of him. He decided instantly to do a research on the cockroach. He picked the cockroach and put it in the centre of
the table and said: "Run". The cockroach ran. He pulled out one leg of the cockroach, put it again in the centre of the table and said: "Run". The
cock roach ran. He pulled one more leg of the cockroach, put it again in the centre of the table and said: "Run". The cockroach ran. This way the cockroach tried to run even when it had just one leg. He pulled last leg of the cockroach, put it again in the centre of the table and said: Run". The cockroach could not! Our Professor was satisfied with his study and started writing his thesis: "When you pull out all the legs of a cockroach, it cannot hear anymore".
SARDAR & THE FAT
Mr. Jaswanth singh went to a grocery stores collected the grocery and came to the counter and person at the counter started preparing bill for the items. Singh asked " Where is the fat ?" , person didn't understand what singh was saying and said " Excuse me sir, FAT???" Sardar : "Yes Fat, Give me the fat" Sardar started shouting and arguing with the person and all people gathered and Manager of that grocery stores came there and asked sardar about the problem. Then sardar said, Hey Manager! Look, I took a yogurt from your stores and it was written "FAT FREE" on that but this guy is not giving me the fat....
FED UP
One day sardarji decides that he is fed up of Sardarji being called fools. So he decides to fool the others and show them that they too are fools. Our friend goes to the top of Kutubminar in delhi and peeps down from the top with a lot of interest. Somebody taps him on the back and asks, "Sardarji what r u looking" our freind replies "sssssshhhhhhh, Stand in the line.." After sometime ,somebody asks the same question to the second guy and he gives he same reply. This goes on . After a while our fried sees that the line
has reached the bottom of Kutubminar. So he feels very happy that he has succeeded in fooling so many people & decides to tell turn back. He does
so , and... HE SEES A LINE OF "SARDARJI'S ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM!!"
HERE ARE SOME MORE
BLIND DATE
Banta sets up Santa to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Santa is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before.
"What do I do if she's ugly?" says Santa, "I'll be stuck with her all night.
"Don't worry," Banta says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaaaaauuuuuuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack.
"So that night, Santa knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: ..."Aaaaaaaaaaauuugguuughhh!"
ANSWERS THAT CRACK!! (MY FAVOURITE ONE
)Santa and Banta apply for a job. Santa wants that Banta get the job, as he is less intelligent.
On the interview day, Santa says, "First I will go inside and answer all the questions except the last one and after coming out, I will give you all the answers and questions. So you go and answer and you?ll get the job." So Santa goes in.
Employer: ?When did we get independence??
Santa: ?Efforts began in 1857, but we got freedom in 1947?
Employer: ?Good. Who?s our PM??
Santa: ?It changes daily and these days it?s Atal Behari Vajpayee?
Employer: Ok. What is India?s population?
Santa: (He was not to reply last one) ?Good question, research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you sir.?
He comes out and tells Banta about all the questions and answers. Banta was really excited and he remembers all the answers but forgets all the questions. So he goes in now.
Employer: When were you born?
Banta: Efforts started in 1857 but we got freedom in 1947.
Employer: What? Who?s your father?
Banta: It changes daily and these days it`s Atal Behari Vajpayee.
Employer
he s upset now) Are you mad Mr. Banta?Banta: Good question sir, research is going on, and when I know, I will tell you.
BREATHALYZER TEST!
Once a police officer pulls over Banta who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to Banta`s window and says "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
Banta says, "Sorry officer I can not do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I will have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can not do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I will bleed to death."
"Well, then we need a urine sample."
"I am sorry officer I can not do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I will get really low blood sugar."
"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can not do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I am too drunk to do that."
SARDARS BUSINESS IDEAS
Sardars' Business There were 4 sardars in Mumbai.
They decided to start a business. After considerable discussion they finally decided to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel. The hotel was inaugurated and was awaiting its first customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day. A week passed, but nobody turned up. WHY ?
.......... B'coz there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed" After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They
bought the best of car servicing equipment's and soon started the garage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car
entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2 days, a week but no car came to their garage. WHY ? B'coz their garage was on the first floor.
After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look
for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to
Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed
their taxi. WHY ? B'coz all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi!! All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their fate and decided to
push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did
not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldn't
move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldn't budge. WHY ? B'coz two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.
PROFESSOR SARDAR
Sardar Singh was very keen on doing his Ph.D. He was in search of a subject on which no one did any research before! As he was thinking over it, he found a cockroach on the table in from of him. He decided instantly to do a research on the cockroach. He picked the cockroach and put it in the centre of
the table and said: "Run". The cockroach ran. He pulled out one leg of the cockroach, put it again in the centre of the table and said: "Run". The
cock roach ran. He pulled one more leg of the cockroach, put it again in the centre of the table and said: "Run". The cockroach ran. This way the cockroach tried to run even when it had just one leg. He pulled last leg of the cockroach, put it again in the centre of the table and said: Run". The cockroach could not! Our Professor was satisfied with his study and started writing his thesis: "When you pull out all the legs of a cockroach, it cannot hear anymore".
SARDAR & THE FAT
Mr. Jaswanth singh went to a grocery stores collected the grocery and came to the counter and person at the counter started preparing bill for the items. Singh asked " Where is the fat ?" , person didn't understand what singh was saying and said " Excuse me sir, FAT???" Sardar : "Yes Fat, Give me the fat" Sardar started shouting and arguing with the person and all people gathered and Manager of that grocery stores came there and asked sardar about the problem. Then sardar said, Hey Manager! Look, I took a yogurt from your stores and it was written "FAT FREE" on that but this guy is not giving me the fat....
FED UP
One day sardarji decides that he is fed up of Sardarji being called fools. So he decides to fool the others and show them that they too are fools. Our friend goes to the top of Kutubminar in delhi and peeps down from the top with a lot of interest. Somebody taps him on the back and asks, "Sardarji what r u looking" our freind replies "sssssshhhhhhh, Stand in the line.." After sometime ,somebody asks the same question to the second guy and he gives he same reply. This goes on . After a while our fried sees that the line
has reached the bottom of Kutubminar. So he feels very happy that he has succeeded in fooling so many people & decides to tell turn back. He does
so , and... HE SEES A LINE OF "SARDARJI'S ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM!!"
scorpion_rulezz
Club Cricketer
thanks buddy 
Big_Boss
Club Cricketer
ANSWERS THAT CRACK!! ~ :rtfl
Punjabi Airways (Read this its long and funny) :cheesy
"Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain
Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We apologize for
the four day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and
some overtime I had put in at the bakery.
This is flight one two six flight to New Delhi. Landing in
Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the
East. And if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on
your village! Punjab Airways has an excellent record for
safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the
terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure I
announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers
have reached their destination.
For the ones that don't quiet make it, Punjab Airways staff
have all the requisite experience for consoling the
next-of-kin. Our Stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you
on our out of court settlement policies. If our engines are
too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to
turn them off ! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and
memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits ! For our
religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you
find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not
be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But
for our movie buff, we will be flying right next to Air India,
where their movie will be visible from the right side of the
cabin window.
There is no-smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the
cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling
us to slow down !
Life jacket are positioned under your seats and free bathing
costumes are made available to the aunties and swimming shorts
to the uncles, for emergency jumps !
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close
as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too
close do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes
flies right through the landmark !
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for
take off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can't find
a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your
seat. And for those of you who can't find a seat, do not
hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your
suitcase. Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because
I have to attend my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself
at home and help yourself to the cock pit.
Thank you for choosing Punjab Airways. HAVE A NICE JOURNEY! :rtfl
Punjabi Airways (Read this its long and funny) :cheesy
"Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain
Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We apologize for
the four day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and
some overtime I had put in at the bakery.
This is flight one two six flight to New Delhi. Landing in
Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the
East. And if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on
your village! Punjab Airways has an excellent record for
safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the
terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure I
announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers
have reached their destination.
For the ones that don't quiet make it, Punjab Airways staff
have all the requisite experience for consoling the
next-of-kin. Our Stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you
on our out of court settlement policies. If our engines are
too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to
turn them off ! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and
memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits ! For our
religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you
find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not
be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But
for our movie buff, we will be flying right next to Air India,
where their movie will be visible from the right side of the
cabin window.
There is no-smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the
cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling
us to slow down !
Life jacket are positioned under your seats and free bathing
costumes are made available to the aunties and swimming shorts
to the uncles, for emergency jumps !
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close
as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too
close do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes
flies right through the landmark !
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for
take off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can't find
a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your
seat. And for those of you who can't find a seat, do not
hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your
suitcase. Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because
I have to attend my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself
at home and help yourself to the cock pit.
Thank you for choosing Punjab Airways. HAVE A NICE JOURNEY! :rtfl
scorpion_rulezz
Club Cricketer
lol that was funny
thanks for your contribution Big_Boss please do add more
thanks for your contribution Big_Boss please do add more
scorpion_rulezz
Club Cricketer
Thanks Pal,fanirama & gold For Your Reply !
Here Are Some MorE !!!
Fastest Worker
Santa got a part time job at the Chandigarh Post Office. The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail.
Santa separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. Extremely pleased by this, the supervisor approached Santa at the end of his first day.
"I just want you to know," the supervisor said, "that I'm very pleased with the job you did today. You're one of the fastest workers we've ever had."
"Thank you, Sir" said Santa, beaming, "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better."
"Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do any better than you did today?"
Santa replied, "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses."
Well Prepared
Mrs Banta phoned Banta in the office and said: "Darling, come home early, we are going to have my mother for dinner."
"Good" replied Banta, "make sure she`s prepared well".
The Route to Heaven!
Three men : a philosopher, a mathematician and Santa, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the Pearly Gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don`t know or cannot answer, then you`re worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you`ll come with me to Hell."
The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates` teachings," With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared.The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct.
"Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared, too.
Santa then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat" The Devil did just that. Santa then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"
The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right." Wrong," said Santa, "it`s from my asshole."
Santa went to Heaven
ID 10 T???
Santa was having trouble with his computer. So he called the computer guy, over to his desk.
He clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, Santa called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an "ID ten T" error."
A puzzled expression ran over Santa`s face. "An "ID ten T" error? What`s that?.. in case I need to fix it again."
"Haven`t you ever heard of an "ID ten T" error before?"
"No," replied Santa.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you`ll figure it out."
He wrote..... I D 1 0 T
Poor Santa
Santa and his girlfriend were out driving one day. He noticed that she kept looking at him and smiling.
Then she leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Can you drive using only one hand ?"
"I sure can", Santa grinned, thinking his luck was in.
"Good", she said, "then wipe your nose; it`s running
Bird Lover
Santa is a evening bird lover. One day he stood in his backyard and heard an owl hoot. So he thought he`d give a hoot back. To his surprise and delight the bird hooted again.
The next night the same scenario occurred. All summer, Santa and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversations." Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife, Jeeto, had a chat with Preeto (Mrs Banta), her next door neighbour,
"My husband spends his nights calling to owls," she said.
"That`s odd," the neighbour replied. "So does my husband."
Politicians !!
A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in our Santa`s field. Santa, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate.
A few days later, local cops came out looking for the missing politicians, saw the crashed bus, and asked Santa where all the politicians had gone.
Santa said, "I buried them all... out back."
Inspector asked, "Were they ALL dead?"
Santa replied, "Well, some of them said they weren`t, but you know how the politicians lie."
Annual Medical
Santa went for his annual physical check up. All of his tests came back with normal results.
His Dr. said, "Santa, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?"
Santa replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he`s fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! the light goes on when I pee, and then poof! the light goes off when I`m done."
"Wow," commented Dr., "That`s incredible!"
A little later in the day Dr. called Jeeto, Santa`s wife and says, "Santa is just fine. Physically he`s great. But I had to call because I`m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom and then poof! the light goes off?"
Jeeto exclaimed, "Oh God !! He`s peeing in the refrigerator again!"
Street Smart
Santa was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall.
It read "The one who reads this,is Donkey"
Santa though for an hour, erased and wrote back, "The one who writes this,is Donkey"
Here Are Some MorE !!!
Fastest Worker
Santa got a part time job at the Chandigarh Post Office. The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail.
Santa separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. Extremely pleased by this, the supervisor approached Santa at the end of his first day.
"I just want you to know," the supervisor said, "that I'm very pleased with the job you did today. You're one of the fastest workers we've ever had."
"Thank you, Sir" said Santa, beaming, "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better."
"Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do any better than you did today?"
Santa replied, "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses."
Well Prepared
Mrs Banta phoned Banta in the office and said: "Darling, come home early, we are going to have my mother for dinner."
"Good" replied Banta, "make sure she`s prepared well".
The Route to Heaven!
Three men : a philosopher, a mathematician and Santa, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the Pearly Gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don`t know or cannot answer, then you`re worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you`ll come with me to Hell."
The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates` teachings," With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared.The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct.
"Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared, too.
Santa then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat" The Devil did just that. Santa then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"
The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right." Wrong," said Santa, "it`s from my asshole."
Santa went to Heaven
ID 10 T???
Santa was having trouble with his computer. So he called the computer guy, over to his desk.
He clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, Santa called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an "ID ten T" error."
A puzzled expression ran over Santa`s face. "An "ID ten T" error? What`s that?.. in case I need to fix it again."
"Haven`t you ever heard of an "ID ten T" error before?"
"No," replied Santa.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you`ll figure it out."
He wrote..... I D 1 0 T
Poor Santa
Santa and his girlfriend were out driving one day. He noticed that she kept looking at him and smiling.
Then she leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Can you drive using only one hand ?"
"I sure can", Santa grinned, thinking his luck was in.
"Good", she said, "then wipe your nose; it`s running
Bird Lover
Santa is a evening bird lover. One day he stood in his backyard and heard an owl hoot. So he thought he`d give a hoot back. To his surprise and delight the bird hooted again.
The next night the same scenario occurred. All summer, Santa and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversations." Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife, Jeeto, had a chat with Preeto (Mrs Banta), her next door neighbour,
"My husband spends his nights calling to owls," she said.
"That`s odd," the neighbour replied. "So does my husband."
Politicians !!
A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in our Santa`s field. Santa, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate.
A few days later, local cops came out looking for the missing politicians, saw the crashed bus, and asked Santa where all the politicians had gone.
Santa said, "I buried them all... out back."
Inspector asked, "Were they ALL dead?"
Santa replied, "Well, some of them said they weren`t, but you know how the politicians lie."
Annual Medical
Santa went for his annual physical check up. All of his tests came back with normal results.
His Dr. said, "Santa, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?"
Santa replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he`s fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! the light goes on when I pee, and then poof! the light goes off when I`m done."
"Wow," commented Dr., "That`s incredible!"
A little later in the day Dr. called Jeeto, Santa`s wife and says, "Santa is just fine. Physically he`s great. But I had to call because I`m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom and then poof! the light goes off?"
Jeeto exclaimed, "Oh God !! He`s peeing in the refrigerator again!"
Street Smart
Santa was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall.
It read "The one who reads this,is Donkey"
Santa though for an hour, erased and wrote back, "The one who writes this,is Donkey"
gamerkid22
National Board President
good jokes scorpion
Big_Boss
Club Cricketer
scorpion_rulezz said:
Do you listen to Bhagwant Maan by any chance?
scorpion_rulezz
Club Cricketer
i don't know him ?? please clarify !Big_Boss said:
