The Jokes Thread

[madmick96]

I got one sexual joke:

What happened to the short-sighted circumcisor?

He got the sack.

 

[Will_NA]

I got one sexual joke:

What happened to the short-sighted circumcisor?

He got the sack.

lol! is it your own joke?

 

[Karachi Xpress]

PIA

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain SAMI Welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board of PIA. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.
This is flight 717 to Lahore. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in Pakistan. And, if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!
PIA has an excellent safety-record.. In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our passengers have reached their destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Emirates Airline, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat- belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase."
"Thanking you all for choosing PIA to fly for the first and probably the last time."

 

[Master Khan]

PIA

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain SAMI Welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board of PIA. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.
This is flight 717 to Lahore. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in Pakistan. And, if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!
PIA has an excellent safety-record.. In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our passengers have reached their destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Emirates Airline, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat- belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase."
"Thanking you all for choosing PIA to fly for the first and probably the last time."

LOL I been on PIA It just make me laugh and is soo boring because they only got one TV for all of us so they put some **** on for us to watch

 

[Dalek]

what do a bowling ball, and a slapper have in common?

They both get fingered, and they get shucked down the alley

 

[travder92]

I was recently riding with a friend of mine.

We were coming to a red light, and he shoots right through it. I ask him, "Why'd you do that?" He tells me this is how his brother drives.

We come to another red light, and again, he shoots right through it. I ask him, "Why'd you do that?" Again, he tells me this is how his brother drives.

We come to a green light, and he SLAMS on the brakes. My heart nearly goes into my throat. I shouted at him, "Why do you do that?!"

He replied, "You never know, my brother could be coming the other way."

 

[Dalek]

Lol, thats good

 

[Harrypotter_fan]

Good one Travder92!

 

[Annoyingdevil]

LOL!!!!!! HA HA HA :rtfl :rtfl :brickwall :brickwall :brickwall ...............

.. Don't get it:what

 

[Dalek]

he stopped at the red light because his brother might be coming! silly devil

 

[handsome]

LAUGH OUT LOUD



Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?

Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the

office





A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she managed to call

one in particular

She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname !





koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli

chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola:

Lagta hai pahunch gai



How do you fit 30 marwadis in a Maruti 800 ?

Throw a 100 rupee note inside



A small boy wrote to Santa Claus : " Send me a brother "

Santa wrote back : " Send me your mother "





Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.

Wife observes the whole episode

Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife askes Why are you doing this?

Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly





What is the full form of singh: S-sardar I-insaan N-nahi G-gadha H-hai.





Angry sardar-Oye mein is duniya ko mita dunga - mita dunga- mita dunga.

Another sardar standing besides said mein tujhe rubber nahi dunga.





Santa singh: Can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?

Banta singh: Post office.





Sardar on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says," break nahi mar sakta tha
kya?

Sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....."





Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar
chalte tha,

woh kya soch raha honga? ............think.............

"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"





Sardar:Aap kitna padhe ho?

Friend: B.A.

Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur woh bhi ulte.





A friend asks sardar how was ur exam?

Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK.

I thought, thought & finally i wrote 'THUNK'.





Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz

sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.

Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?

Sardar: Phone karte waqt.





Sardar jhad pe bethkar gaa rahe the, achanak ek sardar jhad se ulta latak ke
gaane laga,

dusre ne pucha ki ulta kyon latka ho?

Sardar bola

oye side B gaa raha hun.





Sardarni asks her lover,

"Santa dear, if we get engaged, will u give me a ring?"

"Sure" replies santa. "Whats ur phone no?"

Howz this? NonIndian imagine Sardar/Santa as Mr.Bean

 

[Harrypotter_fan]

Nice ones mate!

 

[Will_NA]

The Santa/Mother/Brother joke was the best. a couple others made me chuckle, the others i didn't find funny

 

[Dalek]

Ye some are lame others good

 

[handsome]

Lesbian


sardar : will u marry me?

girl : sorry im a lesbian

sardar : wats a lesbian?

girl : i like to have a sex with a girl

sardar : wow im also a lesbian

.

Heaven

Heaven is when U have a German car,

American salary,

Chinese food & Indian wife.

Hell is when car is Chinese,

food is German,

wife is American and salary Indian.!!!

Third one. This one is nice

1. At the movies: When you meet
acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Don't u know, I sell tickets in black over
here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high
heeled shoes steps on your feet...Stupid Question:-
Sorry, did that hurt? Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on
local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the "Paneer Butter Masala" dish
good?? Answer:- No, its terrible and made of
adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt
meets you after years...
Stupid Question:- Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk
yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you
ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:- No, he's a miserable wife beating,
insensitive lout...it's just
the money

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone
call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu
tribes in africa marry or not. And you thought I was
sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently
shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects
in your mouth...
Stupid Question: - Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman
asks...
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle ............it was a
piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!