The Jokes Thread

Is wittiest/funniest answer competition a good idea?


  • Total voters
    16
  • Poll closed .
..::Pizza Pie::..

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go.
He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.
He thought about it for some time before responding.
"Just cut it into 4 pieces...
I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.".
 
1 and 3 the best Sahilbhai! -reps :D And KBC I dont quite get it...:what

Anyways I have a joke:

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''
 
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Wife: What should I bring for u from London ?
Husband: An English girl
She left quietly.
On her return ........
Husband : Where is my gift ?
Wife : Just wait for 9 Months



Pappu: What's the difference between Confidence and confidential ?
Ramu: You are my son, i am confident. Your's friend is also my son that is confedential


A cricketer was arrested in a rape case and brought to court.
Judge: How did you do this ?
Cricketer: Dial 123 and watch replay on your cell phone
 
Sadam Husain calls Bill clinton and tells him: "Bill, i called because i had a dream."
Clinton: "what was the dream about, Sadam?"
Sadam: "i dreamt that USA was rebuilt and on the top of each house there was a flag."
Clinton: "and what was written on the flag?"
Sadam: "Allah is big, Allah is great!!!"
Clinton: "you know what Sadam, it's good that you called because i had a dream too. In my dream Bagdad was rebuilt and on the top of each building there was a flag too."
Sadam: "what was written on the flags?"
Clinton: "i don't know, i cant read hebrew!!!!":D:D

There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.

So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, ?I need a good guard dog.?

And the clerk replied, ?Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate.?

The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair.?

The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, ?Karate that table.? The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said ?Karate my ass!?:p:D
 
Hey, I'm not sure if this would really make sense, but;

Why did Ricky hit a six?
------------------------
Because he was PONTING!

Get it? Pointing? Ponting?:laugh
 
Here's a great one...

This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"

"What? You're crazy!" she said.

"Look, don't worry," he said. "It will be quick, I promise you."

"Nooooooo! Someone may see us, a neighbor, anybody..."

"At this time of the night no one will show up. Come on, sweetie, I really need it."

"I've already said NO, and NO is final!"

"Honey, it'll just be a really small blowie... I know you like it too."

"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"

Desperately, he says, "My love, don't be like that. I promise you I love you and I really need this blowjob."

At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown and her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes she says: "Dad says, 'Dammit, give him the blowjob or I'll have to blow him but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom button so the rest of the family can get some sleep.'"
 
This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"

"What? You're crazy!" she said.

"Look, don't worry," he said. "It will be quick, I promise you."

"Nooooooo! Someone may see us, a neighbor, anybody..."

"At this time of the night no one will show up. Come on, sweetie, I really need it."

"I've already said NO, and NO is final!"

"Honey, it'll just be a really small blowie... I know you like it too."

"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"

Desperately, he says, "My love, don't be like that. I promise you I love you and I really need this blowjob."

At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown and her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes she says: "Dad says, 'Dammit, give him the blowjob or I'll have to blow him but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom button so the rest of the family can get some sleep.'"
Lol...hehehehe...Nice one Sahil!:rtfl
 
Late last Saturday night, a young chap was walking home from the pub.

It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most

Of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only

Broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a

Dustbin. Suddenly he heard a strange noise ...





BUMP........









BUMP........









BUMP........











Startled, he turned around. To his amazement, through the driving rain

He saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.











BUMP........











BUMP........











BUMP........











He froze to the spot. He couldn't believe his eyes. As the box

Approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more

Clearly. It was a coffin. Not wanting anything to do with this, he put

His head down and started walking briskly home.











BUMP........














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The coffin was gaining on him. He started walking faster.........

















BUMP.... BUMP.......

















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The coffin was closing with his every step. He started to jog, but he

Heard the coffin speed up after him ...











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He started to sprint, but so did the coffin .......









BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP.....









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BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP.....









Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was

Only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his

Keys, His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock. He dived inside,

Slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and

Slumped into his comfy chair.









Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through

The front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin

Allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued

Its chase ..










BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...









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In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could

Take him. He bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door ...









BUMP... SCREECH .. HOP... BUMP... SCREECH ... HOP...









BUMP... SCREECH .. HOP... BUMP... SCREECH ... HOP...









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The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and


Launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the

Bathroom door flew off its hinges ...









The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young

Terrified lad.









BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...









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In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom

Cabinet ... He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at

The coffin ... still it came ........









BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...









He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it ... still it

Came......





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He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ... still it came......









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He grabbed some Benylin cough mixture and threw it ...
















The coffin stopped.
 
Heres one

The coffin opened
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The coffin opened again






BUMP... SCREECH .. BUMP... SCREECH...

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The coffin closed.
 

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