The Jokes Thread

[SciD]

Moon over the top. and yeah men dont listen.

 

[Ricky_Ponting]

This guy is awesomely funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj-1kp777NM

Reply if you like or dislike it!

 

[Karachi Xpress]

The guys reallyy awesome! Nice comedian

 

[Will_NA]

Premium Prossies Limited have been bought out by T-Mobile in a surprise expansion into other markets.

Their new slogan is 'Pay as you C*me'

 

[shravi]

This guy is awesomely funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj-1kp777NM

Reply if you like or dislike it!

That's really old .

 

[Ricky_Ponting]

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"

Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.

As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!"

To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!!!"

 

[Cricketman]

ha!

 

[icyman]

A Real Baddy !

There is an optical nerve which connects your asshole to your eyes...
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Don't Belive it naa !
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Pull out a hair from your ass and see the tears coming outta your eyes....

 

[CricketPlayer55]

OK, lemme mess around with this Thread.

Uhh...now...lets see what to say...any joke in my mind...wait...I've got one...no...no, no I think so I got one...yes! My brain exploded with a joke!

Question: Who spends the most time in the bathroom?
-----------------------------------------------------
Answer: A plumber!
----------------------------------------------------
Now both of them were funny, right?:rtfl

 

[Ricky_Ponting]

OK, lemme mess around with this Thread.

Uhh...now...lets see what to say...any joke in my mind...wait...I've got one...no...no, no I think so I got one...yes! My brain exploded with a joke!

Question: Who spends the most time in the bathroom?
-----------------------------------------------------
Answer: A plumber!
----------------------------------------------------
Now both of them were funny, right?:rtfl

Second was funnier

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."
The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

 

[Karachi Xpress]

HEHEHE! Nice one Moon! :rtfl

 

[Kiko_97]

Second was funnier

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."
The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

:rtfl I lold at that it was hillarious

 

[King Pietersen]

The Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death.

They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell?

Ees bacon I ahm sure of eet."

"Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture ... there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved!

Eet EES a bacon tree!"

"Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage?; we ees in the Desert don't forget."

"Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree". With that ...Luis races toward the tree. He gets to within 5 meters, with Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden a machine gun opens up and Luis is cut down in his tracks.

It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

"Pepe...go back man,you was right.ees not a bacon tree."

"Luis Luis, mi amigo...what ees it?

"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree...





Ees..........






Ees...





Ees.........





Ees....







(Keep going, it is worth it)










Eees a Ham Bush

 

[Will_NA]

Legendary.

 

[Cricketman]

ha.

I have one, i'm sure you've all heard it.





A man walks into a bar.










Ouch.