The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter scorpion_rulezz
- Start date
gamerkid22
National Board President
come on scorpion some more santa-banta jokes . here's one from me hope u will like it.
A woman went to the beach with her children. Her four-year-old son ran up to her,
grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore where a dead seagull lay in the sand.
?Mommy, what happened to him?? the little boy asked.
?He died and went to heaven,?she replied.
The child thought for a moment and said, ?And God threw him back down??
A woman went to the beach with her children. Her four-year-old son ran up to her,
grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore where a dead seagull lay in the sand.
?Mommy, what happened to him?? the little boy asked.
?He died and went to heaven,?she replied.
The child thought for a moment and said, ?And God threw him back down??
scorpion_rulezz
Club Cricketer
LoL
Santa's Curtains
He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.
Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.
Santa replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"
Santa tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"
Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"
Anniversary Gift
He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.
Preeto was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.
The next day Preeto went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was Banta on the other end.
"Hi Preeto," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"
Preeto replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."!
"What's that, sweetie?" asked Banta.
"How did you know I was at Sukhna Lake?"
Smartest Salesman
The first said, that he is so good he sold a color television to a blind man.
The second bragged he sold a HI-FI stereo system to a deaf man.
The third said he sold a Cuckoo clock to Banta.
The other two said, so what?
The third salesman added, "Along with the Cuckoo clock, I also sold him fifty kgs of bird seeds!!!!!"
There were these two Sardarji twins who looked so incredibly alike, that sometimes they borrowed money from each other without the other really knowing about it.
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!"
And she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, Banta wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
"Don't be too hasty!", he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."
His colleague who won the first prize got six month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates.
Second prize winner got three month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates.
Banta won the tenth prize - a toilet brush.
About a week later, at the office canteen, the first prize winner asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.
"Great," said the the seond prize winner, "I love chocolates"
"So do I," said the first prize winner. "And how's the toilet brush?" he asked Banta
"Not so good," Banta said, "I think I'll go back to paper."'
Santa : 'Well, my father dug it.'
Banta : 'That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?'
Santa : 'Yes, I have.'
Banta : 'Well, my father killed it.'
One night Jeeto and Santa were watching TV when she broke down crying.
"What's the matter?" Santa asked.
Jeeto said "I can't believe you did this for me."
Santa hugged her and replied, "Don't worry about it, I love you, and I'd do anything for you."
But how will I ever repay you?" she asked.
To which Santa replied, "You don't need to repay me... you wouldn't believe the satisfaction I get every time I see your mom kiss you on the cheek."
Here You Go Buddygamerkid22 said:
Santa's Curtains
Santa enters a store that sell curtains.
He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.
Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.
Santa replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"
Santa tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"
Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"
Anniversary Gift
Banta wanted to get his beautiful wife, Preeto, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone.
He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.
Preeto was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.
The next day Preeto went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was Banta on the other end.
"Hi Preeto," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"
Preeto replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."!
"What's that, sweetie?" asked Banta.
"How did you know I was at Sukhna Lake?"
Smartest Salesman
Three salesmen were bragging who is the best.
The first said, that he is so good he sold a color television to a blind man.
The second bragged he sold a HI-FI stereo system to a deaf man.
The third said he sold a Cuckoo clock to Banta.
The other two said, so what?
The third salesman added, "Along with the Cuckoo clock, I also sold him fifty kgs of bird seeds!!!!!"
Double Trouble
There were these two Sardarji twins who looked so incredibly alike, that sometimes they borrowed money from each other without the other really knowing about it.
Vacuum Cleaner
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by Banta, carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning", said Banta. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high powered vacuum cleaners.""Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!"
And she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, Banta wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
"Don't be too hasty!", he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."
Toilet Brush
Banta and his colleagues were at work one day when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle. They bought tickets, seeing it was for charity.
The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize.His colleague who won the first prize got six month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates.
Second prize winner got three month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates.
Banta won the tenth prize - a toilet brush.
About a week later, at the office canteen, the first prize winner asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.
"Great," said the the seond prize winner, "I love chocolates"
"So do I," said the first prize winner. "And how's the toilet brush?" he asked Banta
"Not so good," Banta said, "I think I'll go back to paper."'
Santa and Banta boasting of their parents achievements to each other
Santa : 'Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?'
Banta : 'Yes, I have' Santa : 'Well, my father dug it.'
Banta : 'That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?'
Santa : 'Yes, I have.'
Banta : 'Well, my father killed it.'
Nice cheeks
Santa's wife, Jeeto, got into a terrible car accident. Her face was burned terribly. The doctors couldn't use any skin on her body to graft onto her face for reconstructive surgery.
As a result, Santa offered the skin off his butt for the surgery. She had the surgery and was as beautiful after as she was before the surgery.One night Jeeto and Santa were watching TV when she broke down crying.
"What's the matter?" Santa asked.
Jeeto said "I can't believe you did this for me."
Santa hugged her and replied, "Don't worry about it, I love you, and I'd do anything for you."
But how will I ever repay you?" she asked.
To which Santa replied, "You don't need to repay me... you wouldn't believe the satisfaction I get every time I see your mom kiss you on the cheek."
What Part Did You Get ?
This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father.
His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get?
He replies I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years.
His father congratulated him. And then he said "That's good son, maybe next time you'll get a talking role!"
Disney Password
My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.
I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.
"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters.
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gamerkid22
National Board President
great jokes scorpion :rtfl :rtfl :rtfl :rtfl :rtfl :rtfl :rtfl :rtfl :rtfl hard to select which one was the best keep posting more jokes
scorpion_rulezz
Club Cricketer
Thanks gamerkid & don.. :happy
Sorry i was not here to update this thread daily but anyone of you should have contributed some jokes but no problem...
Here You Go Again (Hope You Guys Like Them)
Religious Boy
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious." The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
How Old Am I?
A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.
After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.
The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".
"I am actually 47."
Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."
As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."
Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."
Cricket
Two fast friends, Santa Singh and Banta Singh, were great cricket fanatics.
They decided that whoever dies first will try to come back in the dreams of the other, and tell the other about the cricket scenario in the heaven.
Santa Singh dies first. One day as Banta was fast sleep, he heard Santa calling him. He was very happy and was eager to know about cricket there.
"So, Santa! How is cricket in heaven?"
Santa replied, "Hey Banta, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is that tomorrow we are going to have a day & night tournament here in heaven.
And the bad news is that you are the opening bowler for tomorrow's match!"
Relatives
Then there's the one about the Sardarji who brought his binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a distant relative ...
The Sardarji Doctor to his Patient
"It's very important that you take this medicine exactly 30 minutes before you feel the pain."
Light
One foggy evening two Sardarjis went out walking. One of the Sardarji was holding a flashlight, and suddenly he said to his friend:
"Why don't you just climb up this light-beam when I am holding the flashlight upwards like this?"
His friend looked at him and answered, "No, I can't do that Because if I did, you would just turn off the light, and I would fall down."
Submarine
How can you recognize an surd in a submarine?
Ans: He is the one with the parachute on his back
Computer Diagnosis
One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.
Sorry i was not here to update this thread daily but anyone of you should have contributed some jokes but no problem...
Here You Go Again (Hope You Guys Like Them)
Religious Boy
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious." The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
How Old Am I?
A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.
After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.
The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".
"I am actually 47."
Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."
As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."
Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."
Cricket
Two fast friends, Santa Singh and Banta Singh, were great cricket fanatics.
They decided that whoever dies first will try to come back in the dreams of the other, and tell the other about the cricket scenario in the heaven.
Santa Singh dies first. One day as Banta was fast sleep, he heard Santa calling him. He was very happy and was eager to know about cricket there.
"So, Santa! How is cricket in heaven?"
Santa replied, "Hey Banta, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is that tomorrow we are going to have a day & night tournament here in heaven.
And the bad news is that you are the opening bowler for tomorrow's match!"
Relatives
Then there's the one about the Sardarji who brought his binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a distant relative ...
The Sardarji Doctor to his Patient
"It's very important that you take this medicine exactly 30 minutes before you feel the pain."
Light
One foggy evening two Sardarjis went out walking. One of the Sardarji was holding a flashlight, and suddenly he said to his friend:
"Why don't you just climb up this light-beam when I am holding the flashlight upwards like this?"
His friend looked at him and answered, "No, I can't do that Because if I did, you would just turn off the light, and I would fall down."
Submarine
How can you recognize an surd in a submarine?
Ans: He is the one with the parachute on his back
Computer Diagnosis
One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.
siddharth2002
National Board President<br /><a href="showthread.
Ok Guys All the jokes U posted are awesome. I thought its worth mentioning here as jokes have to be on cricket, so check it out.
SIDHUISMS GALORE
There, there, that's a dead duck!
As innocent as freshly laid eggs.
All that comes from a cow is not milk.
The ball whizzes past like a bumble bee and the Indians are in the sea.
Bengal without Tigers!
He's in a soup!
Bamboozles and mesmerizes.
Commenting on Sri Lankans as demons on the slow and sluggish pitches:
When you are dining with the demon you've got to have a long spoon!
Don't open your old umbrella and run it over your shoulder.
Beauty even when silent is eloquent.
The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.
Yuvraj Singh - The pied piper of Punjab!
Harbhajan - The sardar from Jalandhar !
On S.Ramesh's diving catch in 1st innings of 2nd test vs. Sri Lanka:
He flew like a bird and plucked it out of thin air.
Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter.
He pierced it through an eye of a needle.
As crisp as a cracker.
New Zealanders have their limits, The kiwis are the birds that cannot fly!
About Chris Harris he said:
He is a dibbly dobbly bowler.
My idea of a bird is 36-24-36.
Runs are flowing like the fare in Indian taxi.
When he fielded well as a substitute for Sachin Tendulkar in the 1 dayers:
Ajit Agarkar is as fresh as a daisy.
When a loud appeal was rejected:
Big outcry, no outcome!
Its very difficult to kill a man who is hell bent upon committing suicide!
Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.
The Indians are jelling together as a cohesive unit.
The pitch is as dead as a dodo.
Dravid has hit this shot as straight as a candle.
n the midst of a verbal duel with Martin Crowe:
Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!
Commenting on Ganguly after he was out for a low score in the 2nd Test against Zimbabwe:
...Looks like a brooding hen over a china egg
In the midst of a verbal duel with Tony Greig:
If ifs and buts were pots and pans, there would be no tinkers!
When Ganguly took a catch that had gone very high in the air:
That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it !!
In India's last match against New Zealand:
New Zealanders are like bicycles in a cycle stand - one falls down and the complete row will be down!
Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter.
Taking the cake with a red cherry on top.
For Sri Lankan batsman Kaluwitharna, when he was wasting many balls:
He is like Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!
To Martin Crowe:
The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend, that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world which does not have wings!
As cool as a cucumber!
Muralitharan bowling to the last Indian pair:
The wily fox is back. Its an ill omen when a fox licks its lambs.
Applauding Reetinder Singh Sodhi's fighting spirit:
Young Ricky will fight a rattlesnake and give him the first two bites!
The gap between bat and pad is so much that I would have driven a car through it... !!
Here's more, something different from Cricket
The Funniest Matrimonial Ads
FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.
SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and successful career!
ECONOMIST
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.
MATHEMATICIAN
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.
IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency. Compatibility could be an issue.
BUSINESS MAN
Wife wanted for company.
POLITICIAN
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society................. (etc etc and never getting to the point)
CAR DEALER
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition.
FARMER
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.
LAWYER
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.
PILOT
Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!
BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
SHAAYAR
Burri muddat keh baad eik arazoo jaagi hai, Key hum bee shaadi shooda ho jaayeh, Kya bahaana shaadi karaney ka............... joh kurrey sarey sarey, Yeah mai butaatah hoon ......... Kyoon key yaroo ub khud ghur keh kaam hotah nahee sarey sarey.
ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures. She must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible. She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.
SHIRABI
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round. Friends come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be ample.
MINICAB DRIVER
Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm calling from base, erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving license not necessary, but map reading skills are a bonus.
BEGGAR
Allah kay naam peh koi eik biwi dey dey, Doosrey kee nahi to upni hee dey dey, Allah terah bullah kurrey, Tujhey eik key balley doh dey dey, Hillery hogi toh Monika bhi dey dey!
BUILDER
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.
DOCTOR
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if you feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.
ARMY COMMANDO
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares wins. Camouflage provided.
RACE CAR DRIVER
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace!
ASTRONAUT
I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!
SIDHUISMS GALORE
There, there, that's a dead duck!
As innocent as freshly laid eggs.
All that comes from a cow is not milk.
The ball whizzes past like a bumble bee and the Indians are in the sea.
Bengal without Tigers!
He's in a soup!
Bamboozles and mesmerizes.
Commenting on Sri Lankans as demons on the slow and sluggish pitches:
When you are dining with the demon you've got to have a long spoon!
Don't open your old umbrella and run it over your shoulder.
Beauty even when silent is eloquent.
The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.
Yuvraj Singh - The pied piper of Punjab!
Harbhajan - The sardar from Jalandhar !
On S.Ramesh's diving catch in 1st innings of 2nd test vs. Sri Lanka:
He flew like a bird and plucked it out of thin air.
Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter.
He pierced it through an eye of a needle.
As crisp as a cracker.
New Zealanders have their limits, The kiwis are the birds that cannot fly!
About Chris Harris he said:
He is a dibbly dobbly bowler.
My idea of a bird is 36-24-36.
Runs are flowing like the fare in Indian taxi.
When he fielded well as a substitute for Sachin Tendulkar in the 1 dayers:
Ajit Agarkar is as fresh as a daisy.
When a loud appeal was rejected:
Big outcry, no outcome!
Its very difficult to kill a man who is hell bent upon committing suicide!
Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.
The Indians are jelling together as a cohesive unit.
The pitch is as dead as a dodo.
Dravid has hit this shot as straight as a candle.
n the midst of a verbal duel with Martin Crowe:
Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!
Commenting on Ganguly after he was out for a low score in the 2nd Test against Zimbabwe:
...Looks like a brooding hen over a china egg
In the midst of a verbal duel with Tony Greig:
If ifs and buts were pots and pans, there would be no tinkers!
When Ganguly took a catch that had gone very high in the air:
That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it !!
In India's last match against New Zealand:
New Zealanders are like bicycles in a cycle stand - one falls down and the complete row will be down!
Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter.
Taking the cake with a red cherry on top.
For Sri Lankan batsman Kaluwitharna, when he was wasting many balls:
He is like Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!
To Martin Crowe:
The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend, that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world which does not have wings!
As cool as a cucumber!
Muralitharan bowling to the last Indian pair:
The wily fox is back. Its an ill omen when a fox licks its lambs.
Applauding Reetinder Singh Sodhi's fighting spirit:
Young Ricky will fight a rattlesnake and give him the first two bites!
The gap between bat and pad is so much that I would have driven a car through it... !!
Here's more, something different from Cricket
The Funniest Matrimonial Ads
FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.
SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and successful career!
ECONOMIST
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.
MATHEMATICIAN
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.
IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency. Compatibility could be an issue.
BUSINESS MAN
Wife wanted for company.
POLITICIAN
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society................. (etc etc and never getting to the point)
CAR DEALER
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition.
FARMER
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.
LAWYER
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.
PILOT
Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!
BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
SHAAYAR
Burri muddat keh baad eik arazoo jaagi hai, Key hum bee shaadi shooda ho jaayeh, Kya bahaana shaadi karaney ka............... joh kurrey sarey sarey, Yeah mai butaatah hoon ......... Kyoon key yaroo ub khud ghur keh kaam hotah nahee sarey sarey.
ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures. She must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible. She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.
SHIRABI
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round. Friends come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be ample.
MINICAB DRIVER
Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm calling from base, erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving license not necessary, but map reading skills are a bonus.
BEGGAR
Allah kay naam peh koi eik biwi dey dey, Doosrey kee nahi to upni hee dey dey, Allah terah bullah kurrey, Tujhey eik key balley doh dey dey, Hillery hogi toh Monika bhi dey dey!
BUILDER
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.
DOCTOR
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if you feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.
ARMY COMMANDO
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares wins. Camouflage provided.
RACE CAR DRIVER
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace!
ASTRONAUT
I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!
duffarama
Chairman of Selectors
I am dribbling all over my screen. 
scorpion_rulezz
Club Cricketer
Thanks Sid For Your Contribution
Here Are Some More Jokes To Keep This Thread ALive,Please Do Reply & Also Please Contribute
:
Smart Smuggler
A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says,'What's in the bags?'
'Sand,' answered the sardarji.
Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'
Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.
Iqbal releases the sardarji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens.
Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?'
'Sand,' says the Sardarji.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the sardarji, and crosses the border on his bike.
This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years.
Finally, the sardarji, doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a 'Hotel' in Islamabad.
Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'
The sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes
DIFFERENT THOUGHTS FOR SOMEBODY'S BABY
what does the everyone do in an organisation....? !
1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
2) Developer is a Person who thinks a single woman cannot deliver a baby in nine months.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Marketing manager is a person who thinks I can deliver a child whether a man and woman is available or not.
5) Resource optimisation team thinks I don't need a man or woman, i'll still produce a child with zero resources.
6) Documentation team thinks I don't care whether the child is delivered, i'll just document 9 months.
7) QA Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce baby.
and the last one..just scroll down
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
8) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby!
English man asks Sardar
English man asks Sardar: ?Hello, how do u do? Sardar: ?I don?t know abt u, but we remove ur clothes n do.?
Subject: JALANDHAR BOARD COLLEGE EXAM QUESTION PAPER...........
(this one's little difficult than last year's)
1. Write your name in less than 20 minutes
and 20 letters
________________________
(only alphabets allowed, no numeric digits or "_" allowed)
2. Sex ?
( ) Male
( ) Female
( ) Sardar
3. What's ur age group ?
( ) less than 0
( ) equal to 0
( ) greater than 0
4. What is 2 + 2 ?
( ) FOUR
( ) 4
( ) IV
5. If you have one brother, how many brothers ur brother has?
( ) none
( ) one
( ) question is too personal
6. Complete the following sentence...........(4 marks)
______ ________ ________ _________
7. If there are 365 days in a year, how many days make a year ?
8. Read the statment carefully and answer the following question
"My mother's daughter's brother's mother's mother's daughter's husband's wife is my mother herself".
Qs. How many times the word "mother" appear in the above statement?
( ) None
( ) few times
( ) uncountable times
9. If someone gives you a rupee for 100 paise, would you
( ) get One rupee ?
( ) 100 paise ?
10. Write an Essay on "MYSELF" in not more Than three sentences.......
(HINT : My Name is ___________ (same as in [1]). I am a _______ (boy/girl). i am Writing an essay.)
11. If the time is 3.00 what does ur digital watch show ?
12. At what time does the 11.16 Indrani Express come ?
13. What u do on a honeymoon ?
( ) Collect Honey
( ) Admire Moon
( ) Collect Honey while admiring the moon
14. Earth is Flat ?
( ) False
( ) Indeed False
15. If A = B and B = C then B = A ?
( ) TRUE
( ) NOT FALSE
( ) OUT OF SYLLABUS
16. If you eat lunch during lunch time,what u have during dinner time ?
17. Think and write the present tense of THOUGHT.
18. Fill in the blank :I am _________ a letter.
( ) READING
( ) WRITING
( ) SEALING
19. Who was the first MAN to land on moon ?
( ) MR. ARMSTRONG
( ) MISS ARMSTRONG
( ) MRS ARMSTRONG
20. What comes first ?
( ) the Egg
( ) the Omlet
21. Can you count more than five using your hands ?
( ) YES
( ) NO
22. Spell M-Y-T-H-O-L-O-G-Y
23. Mrs. Sinha is Mr. Sinha's
( ) Father
( ) Brother
( ) Son
( ) Daughter
24. Car A start from X and car B start from Y. X and Y are located 100 miles apart from each other. how many wheels does each car has ?
( ) One
( ) Four
( ) Seven
25. To reach to the 12th floor of the World Trade Center, how many Buttons would you press in the elevator ?
( ) ONE
( ) TWELVE
26. Complete the following series [this question carries 3 marks]
1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, _, _, _.
27. This one tests ur imagination.SUN is nearer to india than AMERICA because.........
( ) SUN is smaller than AMERICA
( ) One can see SUN, but not AMERICA
( ) i do not have any time left to think on this one.
ur feedback counts..................(please do not write how many times)
I rate the difficulty level for the above Question paper as ( ) 8 ( ) 9 ( ) 10 [NOTE : 1 is very easy and 10 is most difficult]
Number of times i flipped a coin ( ) 35 ( ) 70 ( ) i forgot to bring my coin so i bluffed and prayed for good luck.
Here Are Some More Jokes To Keep This Thread ALive,Please Do Reply & Also Please Contribute
: Smart Smuggler
A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says,'What's in the bags?'
'Sand,' answered the sardarji.
Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'
Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.
Iqbal releases the sardarji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens.
Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?'
'Sand,' says the Sardarji.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the sardarji, and crosses the border on his bike.
This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years.
Finally, the sardarji, doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a 'Hotel' in Islamabad.
Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'
The sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes
DIFFERENT THOUGHTS FOR SOMEBODY'S BABY
what does the everyone do in an organisation....? !
1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
2) Developer is a Person who thinks a single woman cannot deliver a baby in nine months.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Marketing manager is a person who thinks I can deliver a child whether a man and woman is available or not.
5) Resource optimisation team thinks I don't need a man or woman, i'll still produce a child with zero resources.
6) Documentation team thinks I don't care whether the child is delivered, i'll just document 9 months.
7) QA Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce baby.
and the last one..just scroll down
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
8) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby!
English man asks Sardar
English man asks Sardar: ?Hello, how do u do? Sardar: ?I don?t know abt u, but we remove ur clothes n do.?
Subject: JALANDHAR BOARD COLLEGE EXAM QUESTION PAPER...........
(this one's little difficult than last year's)
1. Write your name in less than 20 minutes
and 20 letters
________________________
(only alphabets allowed, no numeric digits or "_" allowed)
2. Sex ?
( ) Male
( ) Female
( ) Sardar
3. What's ur age group ?
( ) less than 0
( ) equal to 0
( ) greater than 0
4. What is 2 + 2 ?
( ) FOUR
( ) 4
( ) IV
5. If you have one brother, how many brothers ur brother has?
( ) none
( ) one
( ) question is too personal
6. Complete the following sentence...........(4 marks)
______ ________ ________ _________
7. If there are 365 days in a year, how many days make a year ?
8. Read the statment carefully and answer the following question
"My mother's daughter's brother's mother's mother's daughter's husband's wife is my mother herself".
Qs. How many times the word "mother" appear in the above statement?
( ) None
( ) few times
( ) uncountable times
9. If someone gives you a rupee for 100 paise, would you
( ) get One rupee ?
( ) 100 paise ?
10. Write an Essay on "MYSELF" in not more Than three sentences.......
(HINT : My Name is ___________ (same as in [1]). I am a _______ (boy/girl). i am Writing an essay.)
11. If the time is 3.00 what does ur digital watch show ?
12. At what time does the 11.16 Indrani Express come ?
13. What u do on a honeymoon ?
( ) Collect Honey
( ) Admire Moon
( ) Collect Honey while admiring the moon
14. Earth is Flat ?
( ) False
( ) Indeed False
15. If A = B and B = C then B = A ?
( ) TRUE
( ) NOT FALSE
( ) OUT OF SYLLABUS
16. If you eat lunch during lunch time,what u have during dinner time ?
17. Think and write the present tense of THOUGHT.
18. Fill in the blank :I am _________ a letter.
( ) READING
( ) WRITING
( ) SEALING
19. Who was the first MAN to land on moon ?
( ) MR. ARMSTRONG
( ) MISS ARMSTRONG
( ) MRS ARMSTRONG
20. What comes first ?
( ) the Egg
( ) the Omlet
21. Can you count more than five using your hands ?
( ) YES
( ) NO
22. Spell M-Y-T-H-O-L-O-G-Y
23. Mrs. Sinha is Mr. Sinha's
( ) Father
( ) Brother
( ) Son
( ) Daughter
24. Car A start from X and car B start from Y. X and Y are located 100 miles apart from each other. how many wheels does each car has ?
( ) One
( ) Four
( ) Seven
25. To reach to the 12th floor of the World Trade Center, how many Buttons would you press in the elevator ?
( ) ONE
( ) TWELVE
26. Complete the following series [this question carries 3 marks]
1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, _, _, _.
27. This one tests ur imagination.SUN is nearer to india than AMERICA because.........
( ) SUN is smaller than AMERICA
( ) One can see SUN, but not AMERICA
( ) i do not have any time left to think on this one.
ur feedback counts..................(please do not write how many times)
I rate the difficulty level for the above Question paper as ( ) 8 ( ) 9 ( ) 10 [NOTE : 1 is very easy and 10 is most difficult]
Number of times i flipped a coin ( ) 35 ( ) 70 ( ) i forgot to bring my coin so i bluffed and prayed for good luck.
borncricketer
Panel of Selectors<br><a href="http://www.planetcr
reading the jokes after a long time.....still very funny
neilthomas89
Club Cricketer
ok i got a couple of jokes
Joke 1 - Three blondes have just finished a jigsaw-puzzle so they decide to celebrate by going out. They walk into a bar chanting, "61 days 61 days!"
The bartender gets curious and walks over to them and asks, "Why are you chanting 61 days?"
One of the three answer, "Because the box said 3-6- years!"
Joke 2 - Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke.
Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a good idea! But, what is that thing you put over your cigarette?"
The other old lady said, "It's a condom."
"A condom? Where do you get those?"
The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the
questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms. The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, "What size do you want?"
The old lady thought for a minute and said, "One that will fit a Camel."
Joke 3 - Q. What did George W Bush get on his SAT's?
A. Drool.
Enjoy people
Joke 1 - Three blondes have just finished a jigsaw-puzzle so they decide to celebrate by going out. They walk into a bar chanting, "61 days 61 days!"
The bartender gets curious and walks over to them and asks, "Why are you chanting 61 days?"
One of the three answer, "Because the box said 3-6- years!"
Joke 2 - Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke.
Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a good idea! But, what is that thing you put over your cigarette?"
The other old lady said, "It's a condom."
"A condom? Where do you get those?"
The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the pharmacy. When the two old ladies arrived downtown, the old lady with all the
questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacist if he sold condoms. The pharmacist said yes, but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms, so he asked her, "What size do you want?"
The old lady thought for a minute and said, "One that will fit a Camel."
Joke 3 - Q. What did George W Bush get on his SAT's?
A. Drool.
Enjoy people
scorpion_rulezz
Club Cricketer
LoLz
Thanks Neil for your Contribution & for your reply borncricketer
Plz Do contribute More As i will also try to update this thread daily
Thanks Neil for your Contribution & for your reply borncricketer
Plz Do contribute More As i will also try to update this thread daily
gamerkid22
National Board President
good jokes scorpion
scorpion_rulezz
Club Cricketer
Thanks For Your Replies
Here Are Some More Hope You Guys Like Them
Bank Roberry
Bholaji and Pyarelal rob a bank and mess it up, managing to escape with two sacks that they find on the floor. And they take one sack each. After awhile they meet again and one asks the other,
'What did you find in your sack?'
'Ten lakh Rupees!'
'Wow... that's a lot! What did you do with the cash?'
'I bought a house. How about your sack?'
'Bah... it was full of loan documents.'
'And what did you do with them?'
'Eh, well... little by little, I'm paying them off...'
Bhola at the hospital
Gangaram was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Bhola. As Bhola stood beside the bed, Gangaram's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Bhola lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Gangaram used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Bhola thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it in to his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Bhola was visiting Gangaram's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Gangaram died. "You know," he said, "Gangaram handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Gangaram, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all". He unfolded the note and read aloud:
"Kutte Kamiene (*******) , you're standing on my oxygen tube!"
Short Funny Quotes
I look at the stars, the stars r beautiful
Then I look at you......
I ......
I .......
I rather look at the stars again.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Look at the world as one big chocolate cake.
It would never be complete without few sweets n nuts.
Sweets like ME and nuts like YOU.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
If lord Krishna flirts, people say its RAAS LEELA.
If we flirt, people say our character is DHEELA.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Good looking people r hard to find.
That's why u don't ......
That's y u don't see me often.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
When u feel sad....
To cheer up just go to the mirror and say,
"damn I am really sooo cute" u will overcome ur sadness.
But don't make this a habit.....
Coz liars go to hell !!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your brain will be refreshed in the next five seconds.....
5......
4.........
3.......
2.......
1........
LOADING.....
ERROR: no brain detected.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
WIFE : " I wish I was a newspaper, so I'd be in ur hands all day."
HUSBAND : " I too wish that u were a newspaper, so I could have a new one everyday."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Guts!
In a ship the Generals of three nations were traveling with their soldiers. They started the topic that whose soldier had more of guts.
The American general called for one of his men and told him to jump down the ship and take a round swimming around the moving ship.The soldier did as he was commanded and the general boasted of by saying "See the guts !".
Now the German general called out for one of his men and asked him to take two similar rounds.the soldier did as he was told.when he came back from the water the German said "See the guts ".
Now the Indian General called out for his most courageous man and asked him to take five similar rounds. The soldier promptly replied, "Am I your dad's servant?".
At this the general proudly said "See the guts".
George Bush in a School
George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech.
After his talk he offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is. "Bob".
"And what is your question, Bob?"
"I have 3 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume George says, "OK, where were we?
Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve"
"And what is your question, Steve?"
"I have 5 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?!
And fifth, Where is "Bob"? !!
Stupid Questions with Smart Answers
Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher : "! George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here Are Some More
Hope You Guys Like Them Bank Roberry
Bholaji and Pyarelal rob a bank and mess it up, managing to escape with two sacks that they find on the floor. And they take one sack each. After awhile they meet again and one asks the other,
'What did you find in your sack?'
'Ten lakh Rupees!'
'Wow... that's a lot! What did you do with the cash?'
'I bought a house. How about your sack?'
'Bah... it was full of loan documents.'
'And what did you do with them?'
'Eh, well... little by little, I'm paying them off...'
Bhola at the hospital
Gangaram was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Bhola. As Bhola stood beside the bed, Gangaram's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Bhola lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Gangaram used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Bhola thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it in to his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Bhola was visiting Gangaram's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Gangaram died. "You know," he said, "Gangaram handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Gangaram, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all". He unfolded the note and read aloud:
"Kutte Kamiene (*******)
, you're standing on my oxygen tube!" Short Funny Quotes
I look at the stars, the stars r beautiful
Then I look at you......
I ......
I .......
I rather look at the stars again.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Look at the world as one big chocolate cake.
It would never be complete without few sweets n nuts.
Sweets like ME and nuts like YOU.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
If lord Krishna flirts, people say its RAAS LEELA.
If we flirt, people say our character is DHEELA.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Good looking people r hard to find.
That's why u don't ......
That's y u don't see me often.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
When u feel sad....
To cheer up just go to the mirror and say,
"damn I am really sooo cute" u will overcome ur sadness.
But don't make this a habit.....
Coz liars go to hell !!!!
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Your brain will be refreshed in the next five seconds.....
5......
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1........
LOADING.....
ERROR: no brain detected.
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WIFE : " I wish I was a newspaper, so I'd be in ur hands all day."
HUSBAND : " I too wish that u were a newspaper, so I could have a new one everyday."
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Guts!
In a ship the Generals of three nations were traveling with their soldiers. They started the topic that whose soldier had more of guts.
The American general called for one of his men and told him to jump down the ship and take a round swimming around the moving ship.The soldier did as he was commanded and the general boasted of by saying "See the guts !".
Now the German general called out for one of his men and asked him to take two similar rounds.the soldier did as he was told.when he came back from the water the German said "See the guts ".
Now the Indian General called out for his most courageous man and asked him to take five similar rounds. The soldier promptly replied, "Am I your dad's servant?".
At this the general proudly said "See the guts".
George Bush in a School
George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech.
After his talk he offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is. "Bob".
"And what is your question, Bob?"
"I have 3 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume George says, "OK, where were we?
Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve"
"And what is your question, Steve?"
"I have 5 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?!
And fifth, Where is "Bob"? !!
Stupid Questions with Smart Answers
Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
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Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
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My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
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Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
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Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
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Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
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Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
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Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
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Teacher : "! George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
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