duffarama
Chairman of Selectors
Scorpion, these jokes are so funny I am shedding tears. Well done. 
The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter scorpion_rulezz
- Start date
scorpion_rulezz
Club Cricketer
HeRe Are SoMe MoRe !!!
HopE YOu Guys Will Like IT
SAME
Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."
The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese". " Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carsberg, you're all the same ."
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Helen was in her late thirties and still not married. She just had a hard time meeting men. And the men she did meet all ended up being jerks. Finally, she decided to place an ad in the personals in the newspaper.
Helen wrote: "Looking for a man who wont beat me, wont leave me, and is excellent in bed." ..
Several days went by and she hadnt gotten a single call. Then, one day she was doing her laundry when she heard a knock on the door. She walked upstairs to answer it. She opened the door and saw a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs.
"Can I help you?" Helen asked. .. He said, "I am the man of your dreams!" .. Helen was baffled. She said, "Excuse me." .. "I read your personal ad in the paper and I am the perfect man for you. I have no arms, so I cant beat you. I have no legs, so I can never leave you." .. "But are you good in bed?" Helen asked. .. He replied, "How do you think I knocked on the door?!"
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SHORT JOKEs
Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."
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Q: What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
A: The ones in the casinos are serious
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When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness
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The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.
The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong
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Sunny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Sunny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls."
The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."
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LoL
A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession. Behind the coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line.
The man couldn't stand his curiosity.
He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is it?"
The man replied, "Well, that coffin is for my wife." The inquisitive man asked, "What happened to her?" The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."
A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the first one asks in excitement "Can I borrow the dog?"
The man replied "Please join the queue."
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SMART
Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Indian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
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HopE YOu Guys Will Like IT
SAME
Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."
The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese". " Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carsberg, you're all the same ."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helen was in her late thirties and still not married. She just had a hard time meeting men. And the men she did meet all ended up being jerks. Finally, she decided to place an ad in the personals in the newspaper.
Helen wrote: "Looking for a man who wont beat me, wont leave me, and is excellent in bed." ..
Several days went by and she hadnt gotten a single call. Then, one day she was doing her laundry when she heard a knock on the door. She walked upstairs to answer it. She opened the door and saw a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs.
"Can I help you?" Helen asked. .. He said, "I am the man of your dreams!" .. Helen was baffled. She said, "Excuse me." .. "I read your personal ad in the paper and I am the perfect man for you. I have no arms, so I cant beat you. I have no legs, so I can never leave you." .. "But are you good in bed?" Helen asked. .. He replied, "How do you think I knocked on the door?!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
SHORT JOKEs
Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
A: The ones in the casinos are serious
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.
The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Sunny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls."
The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
LoL
A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession. Behind the coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line.
The man couldn't stand his curiosity.
He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is it?"
The man replied, "Well, that coffin is for my wife." The inquisitive man asked, "What happened to her?" The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."
A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the first one asks in excitement "Can I borrow the dog?"
The man replied "Please join the queue."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
SMART
Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Indian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
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scorpion_rulezz
Club Cricketer
Thanks Guys For Replying Here Are Some More !
Hope You Guys Will Like Them
One day miserable tooth brush was mourning on his fate and was saying i think i have the worse job in the world. From the other end the toilet paper cried "hey buddy think again"
**********************************************************
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club.
Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.
One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
He: "Hello?"
She: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
He: "Yes."
She: "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
He: "What's the price?"
She: "Only $1,000."
He: "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
She: "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2003 models. I saw one I really liked. Its a SLK model. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price. And since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..
He: "What price did he quote you?"
She: "Only $65,000..."
He: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
She: "Great! But before we hang up, something else...
He: "What?"
She: "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool English garden, acre of park area, beach front property."
He: "How much are they asking?"
She : "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."
He: "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?"
She: "OK, Sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
He: "Bye...I love you too..."
The man hangs up & closes the phone's flap.
The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision.
The guy raises his hand while holding the phone and asks "Does anyone know who this Cell phone belongs to???"
**********************************************************
SO TRUE
:
once in usa, a lady was running as the dog was chasing her to bite her. just before the dog was about to bite her a man kicks the dog severly. the dog runs away crying in pain.
a local media person sees it.
next day's head line "US CITIZEN SAVES A WOMAN'S LIFE"
the man goes to news paper's office and tells them that he is not US Citizen.
next day it comes in the paper that," LOCAL HERO SAVES A WOMAN'S LIFE"
then man again goes to the news paper's office. and says that he is not a localite. he is just a tourist from Pakistan.
the news headlines next day
A PAKISTANI TERRORIST HAS KILLED A DOG
**********************************************************
Hope You Guys Will Like Them
One day miserable tooth brush was mourning on his fate and was saying i think i have the worse job in the world. From the other end the toilet paper cried "hey buddy think again"
**********************************************************
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club.
Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.
One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
He: "Hello?"
She: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
He: "Yes."
She: "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
He: "What's the price?"
She: "Only $1,000."
He: "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
She: "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2003 models. I saw one I really liked. Its a SLK model. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price. And since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..
He: "What price did he quote you?"
She: "Only $65,000..."
He: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
She: "Great! But before we hang up, something else...
He: "What?"
She: "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool English garden, acre of park area, beach front property."
He: "How much are they asking?"
She : "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."
He: "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?"
She: "OK, Sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
He: "Bye...I love you too..."
The man hangs up & closes the phone's flap.
The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision.
The guy raises his hand while holding the phone and asks "Does anyone know who this Cell phone belongs to???"
**********************************************************
SO TRUE
: once in usa, a lady was running as the dog was chasing her to bite her. just before the dog was about to bite her a man kicks the dog severly. the dog runs away crying in pain.
a local media person sees it.
next day's head line "US CITIZEN SAVES A WOMAN'S LIFE"
the man goes to news paper's office and tells them that he is not US Citizen.
next day it comes in the paper that," LOCAL HERO SAVES A WOMAN'S LIFE"
then man again goes to the news paper's office. and says that he is not a localite. he is just a tourist from Pakistan.
the news headlines next day
A PAKISTANI TERRORIST HAS KILLED A DOG
**********************************************************
Attachments
duffarama
Chairman of Selectors
This thread just keeps getting better and better scorpion.
Keep it up mate!
Keep it up mate!
duffarama
Chairman of Selectors
Ha ha ha! You indeed love the 'million dollar baby' name scorpion. 
Thanks for putting it in your sig!
Thanks for putting it in your sig!
scorpion_rulezz
Club Cricketer
well well duff let me have a sayduffarama said:Ha ha ha! You indeed love the 'million dollar baby' name scorpion.
Thanks for putting it in your sig!
i must Thank You for suggesting a Smart Name for the Pic
i loved it thats why i put it in my sig thanks a million Thanks Guys For You Replies
Here We Go
The Reason Why I Fired My Secretary
Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say ?Happy Birthday,? and probably have a present for me.
She didn't even say ?Good Morning,? alone any ?Happy Birthday.? I thought, ?Well, that's wives for you. Maybe the children will remember.?
The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.
When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, ?Good morning boss, Happy Birthday.? And I felt a little better; someone had remembered.
I worked until noon. Then Janet knocked on my door and said, ?You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me.? I said, ?By George, that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go.?
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.
On the way back to the office, she said, ?You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?? I said, ?No, I guess not.? She said, ?Let's go to my apartment.? After arriving at her apartment she said, ?Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable.?
?Sure,? I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends. All were singing ?Happy Birthday? and there on the couch I sat... naked
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Careful Driver
As Raj was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife?s voice urgently warning him, "Raj, I just heard on the news that there?s a car going the wrong way on the motorway you are on.
Please be careful!" "It?s not just one car," said Buta Singh. "It?s hundreds of them!"
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Getting Married
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that
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Difference between Men and Women
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
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Attachments
zreh
Club Cricketer
an Indian and a Paki jump off a cliff...who wins?
---------------SOCIETY!!!
A mexican and and a 2 black men are in a car...who's driving?
----------The Police Officer!
A blond woman walks ina store and tells him, I want to buy this TV, store clerk says, sorry we dont sell to blondes
nest day she come sin with her hair dyed brown, and says, i want to buy this TV...store clerk says, sorry we dont sell to blondes
next day she comes in with her hair dyed black, and says i want to buy this tv, store clerk says, sorry we dont sell to blondes.
now shes mad, and yells at the stroe clerk, ive come in here with my hair dyed black and brown, how do you know im a blonde!?!?!
store clerk says: "Because that's not a TV, its a microwave!"
sorry for the racist jokes, its all in good fun, im no racist in anyway...
---------------SOCIETY!!!
A mexican and and a 2 black men are in a car...who's driving?
----------The Police Officer!
A blond woman walks ina store and tells him, I want to buy this TV, store clerk says, sorry we dont sell to blondes
nest day she come sin with her hair dyed brown, and says, i want to buy this TV...store clerk says, sorry we dont sell to blondes
next day she comes in with her hair dyed black, and says i want to buy this tv, store clerk says, sorry we dont sell to blondes.
now shes mad, and yells at the stroe clerk, ive come in here with my hair dyed black and brown, how do you know im a blonde!?!?!
store clerk says: "Because that's not a TV, its a microwave!"
sorry for the racist jokes, its all in good fun, im no racist in anyway...
Tanveerraza
School Cricketer
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2004
- Online Cricket Games Owned
2 lovers plan a suicide. Boy jumped first. Gal closed her eyes n returned back saying: Luv is blind. Boy in air opened his parachute saying: Luv never dies.
The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed it can take a picture of a woman with her shut mouth
Teacher: Four beautiful girls are walking on the road. Change it to exclamatory sentence.
Student: WOW !
Q: Which boy has the permission to get into a girls' bathroom and touch her anywhere he likes?
A: Lifebuoy.
The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed it can take a picture of a woman with her shut mouth
Teacher: Four beautiful girls are walking on the road. Change it to exclamatory sentence.
Student: WOW !
Q: Which boy has the permission to get into a girls' bathroom and touch her anywhere he likes?
A: Lifebuoy.
duffarama
Chairman of Selectors
Nice jokes everyone!
I guy seen the 'guy in the helmet eating a hamburger pic' before, but it is still great.
Anyone eat something huge like that before?
I guy seen the 'guy in the helmet eating a hamburger pic' before, but it is still great.
Anyone eat something huge like that before?
scorpion_rulezz
Club Cricketer
Thanks Guys For Your Replies & Contributions
Here Are Some More Jokes & Pictures Hope You All Will Like It
Computer Users
Computer users are divided into three types:
Novice, Intermediate and Expert
Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
Intermediate Users - People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.
Expert Users - People who press the keys that break other people's computers.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A computer geek loved a girl who studies computer science.
He sent a letter, saying:
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN MY COMPUTER Believe me it is true ...
You installed the best in me.
Your picture is always in my background.
You clicked my heart gently.
You drive me crazy when I see you.
Your love reset my life and deleted all the sadness in me.
You restored my kindness after I thought it was corrupted.
I'm always connected to you with more than 56 heart beat per second.
You hacked my brain and registered your name in it.
You are the only one that could navigate my feelings and explore my
emotions at the same time.
I feel lost when I try to call you and you are not responding.
I always feel you close to me when I shut down my eyes, or when I open
my windows waiting for you to pass.
You are the only one that can log into my heart and never log out.
I dream of being your only server as long as I live.
You don't have to search for me, cause we are always linked to each
others.
I see your name everywhere, my front page, my homepage and all my
software.
I scanned my life and found that I'm only infected by you.
You are the virus I'd never remove, and why should I do?
Believe me it is true...
I love you more than my CPU!!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Funny] Leave Letters & Applications
1. A student's leave letter:
"As I am suffering from my uncle's marriage I cannot attend the class...."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
2. A candidate's application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist And an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past Several years and I can handle both; I am applying for the post."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
3. I.T.I., Lahore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
4. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
5. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
6. An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
7. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet
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Women's Language
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
We need... = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want... = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk... = I need to complain.
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you m*oron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is s*ex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = ...and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
Am I fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
Nothing = Everything
Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an id iot!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here Are Some More Jokes & Pictures Hope You All Will Like It
Computer Users
Computer users are divided into three types:
Novice, Intermediate and Expert
Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
Intermediate Users - People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.
Expert Users - People who press the keys that break other people's computers.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A computer geek loved a girl who studies computer science.
He sent a letter, saying:
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN MY COMPUTER Believe me it is true ...
You installed the best in me.
Your picture is always in my background.
You clicked my heart gently.
You drive me crazy when I see you.
Your love reset my life and deleted all the sadness in me.
You restored my kindness after I thought it was corrupted.
I'm always connected to you with more than 56 heart beat per second.
You hacked my brain and registered your name in it.
You are the only one that could navigate my feelings and explore my
emotions at the same time.
I feel lost when I try to call you and you are not responding.
I always feel you close to me when I shut down my eyes, or when I open
my windows waiting for you to pass.
You are the only one that can log into my heart and never log out.
I dream of being your only server as long as I live.
You don't have to search for me, cause we are always linked to each
others.
I see your name everywhere, my front page, my homepage and all my
software.
I scanned my life and found that I'm only infected by you.
You are the virus I'd never remove, and why should I do?
Believe me it is true...
I love you more than my CPU!!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Funny] Leave Letters & Applications
1. A student's leave letter:
"As I am suffering from my uncle's marriage I cannot attend the class...."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
2. A candidate's application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist And an accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past Several years and I can handle both; I am applying for the post."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
3. I.T.I., Lahore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
4. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
5. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
6. An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
7. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEACHER
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Women's Language
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
We need... = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want... = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk... = I need to complain.
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you m*oron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is s*ex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = ...and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
Am I fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
Nothing = Everything
Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an id iot!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Attachments
duffarama
Chairman of Selectors
Looks like I'm not qualified as an expert user anymore.
Thanks for the jokes. They were great!
:
jkartik
Chairman of Selectors
duffarama
Chairman of Selectors
Now I know what 'body building' means in the 'putting on weight' sense.jk16_4 said:If U Thought Arnie Has A Great Physique,
Check Again
