HeRe Are SoMe MoRe !!!
HopE YOu Guys Will Like IT
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SAME
Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."
The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese". " Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carsberg, you're all the same ."
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Helen was in her late thirties and still not married. She just had a hard time meeting men. And the men she did meet all ended up being jerks. Finally, she decided to place an ad in the personals in the newspaper.
Helen wrote: "Looking for a man who wont beat me, wont leave me, and is excellent in bed." ..
Several days went by and she hadnt gotten a single call. Then, one day she was doing her laundry when she heard a knock on the door. She walked upstairs to answer it. She opened the door and saw a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs.
"Can I help you?" Helen asked. .. He said, "I am the man of your dreams!" .. Helen was baffled. She said, "Excuse me." .. "I read your personal ad in the paper and I am the perfect man for you. I have no arms, so I cant beat you. I have no legs, so I can never leave you." .. "But are you good in bed?" Helen asked. .. He replied, "How do you think I knocked on the door?!"
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SHORT JOKEs
Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."
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Q: What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
A: The ones in the casinos are serious
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When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness
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The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.
The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong
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Sunny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Sunny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls."
The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."
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LoL
A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession. Behind the coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line.
The man couldn't stand his curiosity.
He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is it?"
The man replied, "Well, that coffin is for my wife." The inquisitive man asked, "What happened to her?" The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."
A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the first one asks in excitement "Can I borrow the dog?"
The man replied "Please join the queue."
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SMART
Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Indian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
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