Leicester Fox
Chairman of Selectors
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2006
- Online Cricket Games Owned
I found it quite funny, not the joke, just the idea of him turning left and right for all eternity following the messages each time.
The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter scorpion_rulezz
- Start date
I've got a few more here, but I'm guessing you've heard them all. Can't believe you've heard the superman and the psychic girlfriend ones, those were absolute gems.
Anyhoo...
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can`t think of anything I need. $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on
The Reply:
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
A blonde, red head and brunette were eating lunch when they looked to see what they had. Everyday the red head got a turkey sandwich with potato salad and a coke. She said "if I get this one more time I?m gonna jump off the building." Then the brunette looked at what she had. She had a grilled cheese sandwich and some chips. She said "me too if I get the same lunch tomorrow, I?m gonna jump." Then the blonde looked at her lunch and she had a bologna sandwich and a diet coke. She said "gosh if I get this tomorrow, I?ll jump with you."* * The next day the brunette, red head, and blonde looked to see what they got that day for lunch. The red head got the usual, a turkey sandwich with potato salad and a coke. So she jumped to her death. Then the brunette looked at what she got, which was the usual grilled cheese sandwich and some chips. So she also jumped off the building to her death. The blonde looked at her lunch and again the usual bologna with a diet coke. So she jumped to her death as well.* * The next week at the wake, the red heads husband said "if I had only knew she didn't like the turkey sandwich with my famous potato salad and a coke, I would have made her something different." Then the brunettes husband said "if I had only knew she hated my grilled cheese sandwich and those great chips, I would have made her something different also." Now all eyes were on the blonde?s husband when he said "What? My wife made her own lunch everyday."
Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
In the army-Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
I love my job, I love the pay.
I love it more and more each day.
I love my boss; he is the best.
I love his boss and all the rest.
I love my office and its location.
I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray,
and the paper that piles up every day.
I love my chair in my padded cell.
There?s nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my peers.
I love their leers and jeers and sneers.
I love my computer and its software;
I hug it often though it don?t care.
I love each program and every file;
I try to understand once in a while.
I?m happy to be here, I am, I am;
I?m the happiest slave of my Uncle Sam.
I love this work; I love these chores.
I love the meetings with deadly bores.
I love my job -- I?ll say it again.
I even love these friendly men,
these men who?ve come to visit today
In lovely white coats to take me away
Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can
happen to you for the rest of the day.
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town grouch. So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin to do?"
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43."
Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells.
"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor.
So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!"
Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..."
Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the town
Well, I'm tapped out. All the other jokes I have have been said before. Need to come out with new material...
Anyhoo...
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can`t think of anything I need. $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on
The Reply:
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
A blonde, red head and brunette were eating lunch when they looked to see what they had. Everyday the red head got a turkey sandwich with potato salad and a coke. She said "if I get this one more time I?m gonna jump off the building." Then the brunette looked at what she had. She had a grilled cheese sandwich and some chips. She said "me too if I get the same lunch tomorrow, I?m gonna jump." Then the blonde looked at her lunch and she had a bologna sandwich and a diet coke. She said "gosh if I get this tomorrow, I?ll jump with you."* * The next day the brunette, red head, and blonde looked to see what they got that day for lunch. The red head got the usual, a turkey sandwich with potato salad and a coke. So she jumped to her death. Then the brunette looked at what she got, which was the usual grilled cheese sandwich and some chips. So she also jumped off the building to her death. The blonde looked at her lunch and again the usual bologna with a diet coke. So she jumped to her death as well.* * The next week at the wake, the red heads husband said "if I had only knew she didn't like the turkey sandwich with my famous potato salad and a coke, I would have made her something different." Then the brunettes husband said "if I had only knew she hated my grilled cheese sandwich and those great chips, I would have made her something different also." Now all eyes were on the blonde?s husband when he said "What? My wife made her own lunch everyday."
Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
In the army-Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
I love my job, I love the pay.
I love it more and more each day.
I love my boss; he is the best.
I love his boss and all the rest.
I love my office and its location.
I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray,
and the paper that piles up every day.
I love my chair in my padded cell.
There?s nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my peers.
I love their leers and jeers and sneers.
I love my computer and its software;
I hug it often though it don?t care.
I love each program and every file;
I try to understand once in a while.
I?m happy to be here, I am, I am;
I?m the happiest slave of my Uncle Sam.
I love this work; I love these chores.
I love the meetings with deadly bores.
I love my job -- I?ll say it again.
I even love these friendly men,
these men who?ve come to visit today
In lovely white coats to take me away
Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can
happen to you for the rest of the day.
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town grouch. So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin to do?"
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43."
Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells.
"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor.
So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!"
Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..."
Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the town
Well, I'm tapped out. All the other jokes I have have been said before. Need to come out with new material...
Dr. Pepper
Chairman of Selectors
Lol Yogy's jokes are so unfunny, they're funny.
cnbd_novice
International Coach
There was a little boy who just learned to count on his fingers. One day his uncle came to visit, and the boy was eager to show off his newly acquired talent. He asked the uncle to ask him an addition question, and so the uncle asked, "what is three plus four?" The little boy counted it out on his fingers for a moment, then answered, "seven."
The uncle said to his nephew, "listen kid, you can't always count it out on your hands because someday when you are in school, a teacher will get mad at you for it. Now put your hands in your pockets, and then count."
So the little boy obliged by putting his hands in his pockets, and his uncle asked once more, "what is five plus five?"
For a moment, the uncle saw some movements in the boy's pockets, then the reply came, "eleven."
The uncle said to his nephew, "listen kid, you can't always count it out on your hands because someday when you are in school, a teacher will get mad at you for it. Now put your hands in your pockets, and then count."
So the little boy obliged by putting his hands in his pockets, and his uncle asked once more, "what is five plus five?"
For a moment, the uncle saw some movements in the boy's pockets, then the reply came, "eleven."
PROBLEMS WITH WITH NEW PC
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.
One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one from me to Mr. Bill Gates :
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?
yogy added 3 Minutes and 10 Seconds later...
I didn't get any money this time
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
yogy added 3 Minutes and 16 Seconds later...
A bet made at the local bar
A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. The man walks up to the counter, and says to the bartender, "I bet you $1,000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away, and not get any outside the glass."
The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase, but he wants his $1,000, so he agrees. The bartender gets out a shot glass, paces off thirty feet, and the contest begins. The man sprays beer all over the bar. He doesn't even touch the shot glass. When he finishes, the bartender looks at him and says, "Well, I guess you owe me $1,000, huh?"
The man answers, "Yeah, but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar."
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.
One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one from me to Mr. Bill Gates :
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?
yogy added 3 Minutes and 10 Seconds later...
I didn't get any money this time
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
yogy added 3 Minutes and 16 Seconds later...
A bet made at the local bar
A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. The man walks up to the counter, and says to the bartender, "I bet you $1,000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away, and not get any outside the glass."
The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase, but he wants his $1,000, so he agrees. The bartender gets out a shot glass, paces off thirty feet, and the contest begins. The man sprays beer all over the bar. He doesn't even touch the shot glass. When he finishes, the bartender looks at him and says, "Well, I guess you owe me $1,000, huh?"
The man answers, "Yeah, but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar."
Last edited:
knigt rider
Club Cricketer
lol,this joke is very funny:rtfl
Laloo Prasad Yadav
Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son.
Laloo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...... Yes"
Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani
Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"
Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."
This is how business is done!!!
yogy added 1 Minutes and 59 Seconds later...
Fishing License
Banta was carrying a large fish in a bucket of water away from a lake, which was well known for its excellent fishing when a Fishery officer stopped him.
The officer says, "Do you have a fishing license?"
Banta replies, "Don't need a license, this is my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the officer asked.
Banta answers, "Yes, every night I take my fish down to the lake and let him swim around for a while, then I whistle and he jumps up on shore and I put him in his bucket and we go back home."
"That's a bunch of baloney, fish can't do that."
Banta looks at the officer and says, "You want me to show you?"
Very curious now, the officer says, "O.K. I've got to see this"
Banta pours the fish into the lake then stands there waiting.
After a few minutes, the officer turns to Banta and says, "Well?"
"Well, What?" Banta says.
The Officer asks, "Are you going to call your fish back?"
"Fish! What fish?" Banta responds.
yogy added 2 Minutes and 49 Seconds later...
Three answers most feared by men
1. (Whatever)
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a café and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything
3. (You decide)
Men: Then we just go home
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anyting
(Look around... no one here, gonna kill her....)
yogy added 3 Minutes and 4 Seconds later...
No Offence meant
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
__________ _________ _________ _________ _________
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
__________ _________ _________ _________
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight
begins!
_________ _________ _________ _________
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
__________ _________ _________ _________
It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
__________ _________ _________ _________
It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as
women and then he turns them into Wives !
__________ _________ _________ _________
A man, who surrenders when he's wrong, is Honest. A man who
surrenders when not Sure, is Wise. A man who surrenders even if he's Right, is a Husband.
__________ _________ _________ _________ ____
If u r married please ignore this msg, for everyone else: Happy
Independence Day
__________ _________ _________ _________
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about
something you say. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
__________ _________ _________ _________
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking. It's called marriage
__________ _________ _________ _________
Different Phases of a man:
After engagement: Superman
After Marriage: Gentleman
After 10 years: Watchman
After 20 years: Doberman
__________ _________ _________ _________
There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it
_______ _________ _________ _________
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
__________ _________ _________ _________
Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son.
Laloo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...... Yes"
Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani
Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"
Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."
This is how business is done!!!
yogy added 1 Minutes and 59 Seconds later...
Fishing License
Banta was carrying a large fish in a bucket of water away from a lake, which was well known for its excellent fishing when a Fishery officer stopped him.
The officer says, "Do you have a fishing license?"
Banta replies, "Don't need a license, this is my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the officer asked.
Banta answers, "Yes, every night I take my fish down to the lake and let him swim around for a while, then I whistle and he jumps up on shore and I put him in his bucket and we go back home."
"That's a bunch of baloney, fish can't do that."
Banta looks at the officer and says, "You want me to show you?"
Very curious now, the officer says, "O.K. I've got to see this"
Banta pours the fish into the lake then stands there waiting.
After a few minutes, the officer turns to Banta and says, "Well?"
"Well, What?" Banta says.
The Officer asks, "Are you going to call your fish back?"
"Fish! What fish?" Banta responds.
yogy added 2 Minutes and 49 Seconds later...
Three answers most feared by men
1. (Whatever)
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a café and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything
3. (You decide)
Men: Then we just go home
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anyting
(Look around... no one here, gonna kill her....)
yogy added 3 Minutes and 4 Seconds later...
No Offence meant
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
__________ _________ _________ _________ _________
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
__________ _________ _________ _________
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight
begins!
_________ _________ _________ _________
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
__________ _________ _________ _________
It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
__________ _________ _________ _________
It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as
women and then he turns them into Wives !
__________ _________ _________ _________
A man, who surrenders when he's wrong, is Honest. A man who
surrenders when not Sure, is Wise. A man who surrenders even if he's Right, is a Husband.
__________ _________ _________ _________ ____
If u r married please ignore this msg, for everyone else: Happy
Independence Day
__________ _________ _________ _________
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about
something you say. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
__________ _________ _________ _________
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking. It's called marriage
__________ _________ _________ _________
Different Phases of a man:
After engagement: Superman
After Marriage: Gentleman
After 10 years: Watchman
After 20 years: Doberman
__________ _________ _________ _________
There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it
_______ _________ _________ _________
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
__________ _________ _________ _________
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
3
A man, who surrenders when he's wrong, is Honest. A man who
surrenders when not Sure, is Wise. A man who surrenders even if he's Right, is a Husband.
4
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about
something you say. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
5!
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
3
A man, who surrenders when he's wrong, is Honest. A man who
surrenders when not Sure, is Wise. A man who surrenders even if he's Right, is a Husband.
4
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about
something you say. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
5!
In the days when you couldn't count on a public toilet facility, an English woman was planning a trip to India . She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England , as you know, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for "Water Closet". She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the WC.
The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a
" Wayside Chapel " (Place where Celebrations are done especially like a beautiful garden) near the house . . . a bathroom never entered their minds.
So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:
Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos as well. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly. You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time. I would recommend Your Ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.
yogy added 2 Minutes and 29 Seconds later...
FLAT TYRE
FOUR high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tyre. Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."
Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said, "First Question: Which tyre was flat?"
yogy added 2 Minutes and 51 Seconds later...
Dont Copy if you cant Paste
Training program for top management.
A well-known motivational speaker gathering the entire crowd's attention,
said,
"The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my
wife !"
The crowd was shocked!
He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"
The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.
About a week later, one of the top managers who had the training decided to
use that joke at his house. He
tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him.
He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a
woman who was not my wife!"
Naturally, his wife was shell shocked, murmuring.
After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half
of the joke, the manager
finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was !"
As expected, he got thrashing of his life time....
Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste
yogy added 7 Minutes and 16 Seconds later...
RECOMMENDATION LETTER
yogy added 44 Minutes and 16 Seconds later...
Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called
"Saints"
But now they are called.. " IT professionals "
__________ _________ _________ _________ __________ _________ _________ _________
An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:
"If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"
__________ _________ _________ _________ __________ _________ _________ _________
Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present.. Its just that,
One loves too much, And
the other loves too many,
__________ _________ _________ _________ __________ _________ _________ _________
Employee: Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!
__________ _________ _________ _________ __________ _________ _________ _________
Philosophy of life
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as
GOD ,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!
__________ _________ _________ _________ __________ _________ _________ _________
Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"
Girl: That's good, Give me 12 of them..!
__________ _________ _________ _________ __________ _________ _________ _________
After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... opening for you...! "
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: its called the "door..!"
__________ _________ _________ _________ __________ _________ _________ _________
A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee.... . Leave them to us
__________ _________ _________ _________ __________ _________ _________ _________
The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a
" Wayside Chapel " (Place where Celebrations are done especially like a beautiful garden) near the house . . . a bathroom never entered their minds.
So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:
Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos as well. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly. You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time. I would recommend Your Ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.
yogy added 2 Minutes and 29 Seconds later...
FLAT TYRE
FOUR high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tyre. Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."
Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said, "First Question: Which tyre was flat?"
yogy added 2 Minutes and 51 Seconds later...
Dont Copy if you cant Paste
Training program for top management.
A well-known motivational speaker gathering the entire crowd's attention,
said,
"The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my
wife !"
The crowd was shocked!
He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"
The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.
About a week later, one of the top managers who had the training decided to
use that joke at his house. He
tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him.
He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a
woman who was not my wife!"
Naturally, his wife was shell shocked, murmuring.
After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half
of the joke, the manager
finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was !"
As expected, he got thrashing of his life time....
Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste
yogy added 7 Minutes and 16 Seconds later...
RECOMMENDATION LETTER
Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be
found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently,
without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob
never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he
always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes
extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping
coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has
absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and
profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which
cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that
Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal
will be
sent away as soon as possible.
Signed -
Project Leader
MEMO WAS SOON SENT FOLLOWING THE LETTER:
"That ****** idiot was r eading over my shoulder when I wrote the
report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1,
3, 5, 7, 9, 11, 13) for my true assessment of him."
found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently,
without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob
never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he
always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes
extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping
coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has
absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and
profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which
cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that
Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal
will be
sent away as soon as possible.
Signed -
Project Leader
MEMO WAS SOON SENT FOLLOWING THE LETTER:
"That ****** idiot was r eading over my shoulder when I wrote the
report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1,
3, 5, 7, 9, 11, 13) for my true assessment of him."
yogy added 44 Minutes and 16 Seconds later...
Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called
"Saints"
But now they are called.. " IT professionals "
__________ _________ _________ _________ __________ _________ _________ _________
An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:
"If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"
__________ _________ _________ _________ __________ _________ _________ _________
Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present.. Its just that,
One loves too much, And
the other loves too many,
__________ _________ _________ _________ __________ _________ _________ _________
Employee: Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!
__________ _________ _________ _________ __________ _________ _________ _________
Philosophy of life
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as
GOD ,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!
__________ _________ _________ _________ __________ _________ _________ _________
Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"
Girl: That's good, Give me 12 of them..!
__________ _________ _________ _________ __________ _________ _________ _________
After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... opening for you...! "
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: its called the "door..!"
__________ _________ _________ _________ __________ _________ _________ _________
A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee.... . Leave them to us
__________ _________ _________ _________ __________ _________ _________ _________
Last edited:
knigt rider
Club Cricketer
Thanks :happy
Note: If you like some one's post,just reply in simple way but dont quote the entire post. see below and do reply in the same way from next time. i hope you dont do it from next time.
Note: If you like some one's post,just reply in simple way but dont quote the entire post. see below and do reply in the same way from next time. i hope you dont do it from next time.
Code:
Good Jokes @ -----
