The Jokes Thread

[KBC]

Quotes are especially used sometimes to highlight a person's post under certain circumstances. Say you posted a joke, and many guys posted very soon after you did, so while anyone is reading your joke and look and like/? it, they quote on a particular note to say they laughed/? on your joke, just to convey they liked your post/or not.

But many do use quotes on their likings. It's their habit.


Okay ,


Why Steve, you're so depressed today, what's the matter?

Ah, well, I have had a quarrel with my mother-in-law. She swore to me she wouldn't talk to me for a month!!

Then so bad about it? You should celebrate the event!!

No, no, see...that was four weeks ago, and today is the last day...




..

 

[Niv]

Sorry Yogy, only chuckles from me which isn't quite enough =/

 

[khalek]

Knock Knock who's there?

No one!

 

[ZoraxDoom]

That joke was so lame it needed crutches.

 

[Yogy]

Tough Love
A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:
"No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!"


The Wrong Way
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there''s a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"

Phone Line
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
"Yeah, I''ve come to activate your phone lines."

 

[PhilD123]

Two Mexicans are lost in the desert. They see a tree in the distance. As they get nearer they see its drapedwith rasher upon rasher of juicy bacon. "Hey Pepe", says the first man. "Ees a bacon tree, we're saved!"Then he runs to the tree but is gunned downin a hail of bullets. "What happened?" shouts Pepe. With his last breath, his friend shouts "Run amigo, ees not a bacon tree. Ees a ham bush."

Ba-dum-tish

 

[Dr. Pepper]

Dear oh dear. Phil that was awful. You should be ashamed.

 

[Jaztheman]

Two Mexicans are lost in the desert. They see a tree in the distance. As they get nearer they see its drapedwith rasher upon rasher of juicy bacon. "Hey Pepe", says the first man. "Ees a bacon tree, we're saved!"Then he runs to the tree but is gunned downin a hail of bullets. "What happened?" shouts Pepe. With his last breath, his friend shouts "Run amigo, ees not a bacon tree. Ees a ham bush."

Ba-dum-tish

I got that in a text from a mate yesterday. Terrible.

 

[Will_NA]

Phil's was funny but I remember KP posting it

 

[PhilD123]

I know, it was rather childish and hardly clever, but I still found it funny when I heard it.

 

[ZoraxDoom]

That was horrible!

A married man had an affair on his wife, and shortly after was involved in a tragic car crash.

He went up to heaven feeling terrible for himself, and as he waited in line he realised that these people were recieving cars based on how often they had cheated on their spouses.
"The more honest you have been, the better the car you get to ride"

The man's turn came, and he was blunt and honest
"I had an affair while married, cheated on my wife several times. Must have been on over 50 occasions, maybe more, I can't remember."
The Angel in charge of handing out the cars thought for a while, then said
"So be it, you shall drive the old, broken down Mercedes"
"Hey, that's not so bad!" he thought.

A few days later, the Angel see's him all depressed and sad
"Why so glum? I thought you liked your car?"
"Oh yes, I do," said the man, "It's just that I saw my wife up here the other day...on a skateboard."

 

[Will_NA]

A married man had an affair on his wife,

Having an affair's one thing but doing it on top of your wife is just cruel.

 

[Yogy]

What's D Best Punishment U can Give2 a Girl?

Give

New Dress:cool:Jewellery: Cosmetics etc etc

AND LOCK Her in a room Without Mirror

 

[khalek]

Knock Knock whos there?

Someone duh!!!​

 

[Niv]

Oh dear god, this really is the bottom of the barrell >.<