duffarama
Chairman of Selectors
Keep them coming guys! 
The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter scorpion_rulezz
- Start date
scorpion_rulezz
Club Cricketer
Hi Guys
Now I Will Update This Thread Weekly Hope You Guys Will Like Them
Contributions are Welcomed
This Week In Jokes
Once a sardarji receives a love letter from his beloved. Being an
illeterate he cannot read the letter. So keeping that letter for him for
weeks,months and years he thought how to read the letter. He thought and
thought and thought and this sardarji being a little intelligent fellow
finally he got an idea that he can go with that letter to his friend and
ask his friend to read that letter for him. So he made all the plans to
reach his friend. Finally he reached his friend's house on one fine
morning and he explains all the story, but still he does not want his
friend to know what that letter contains(the letter being very personal
and meant for only to the sardarji), so again he thought and thought and
thought for one week and finally he got an idea.......So this was the
situation what our GREAT FRIEND SARDARJI was in...can u just guess what he
is going to do with his final idea....?????
(ANS): He just closes his friend's EARS while his friend is going to read
the letter so that his friend cannot hear what he is reading.......
Santa Singh is at the railway station. He asks a man "When will Rajdhani
Express will go from here?"
Man Replies 12.30.
"When will Deccan Queen go from here?"
Man Replies 11.30.
"When will Punjab Express go from here?"
Man Replies 10.30.
Santa singh goes on asking about all the trains.
Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by train
or not.
Santa replies, "No I just want to cross the tracks!"
High-Tech American, Japanese and Banta Singh
Three men - an American, a Japanese and Banta Singh were sitting in the
sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his
forearm and the beep stoped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That
was my pager," he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese lifted his palm to his ear.
When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a
microchip in my hand."
Banta felt decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had to do
something just as impressive. He steped out of the sauna and went to
toilet. He returns with a piece of 'Toilet paper' hanging from his butt.
The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?" "I'm
getting a fax," he explains.
Santa Singh went to kashmir officially and called to his house over phone.
Sardar had taken the receiver.
Santa Singh : Who is speaking?
Sardar : Servant Sir.
Santa Singh : Where is the Madam?
Sardar : She is sleeping with her husband in bedroom.
Santa Singh : What? I am her husband came to Kashmir today.
Sardar : What can I do now sir?
Santa Singh : Open the cub board, pick the Gun, shoot both of them, come
back and tell me, till then I am waiting in the line.
After some time ... there comes 2 shooting sounds ... after that ...
Sardar : Yes, I did Sir. But what can i do next Sir?
Santa Singh : Open the back door, throw both of them into the swimming
pool
Sardar : There is no swimming pool in our house Sir
Santa Singh : What...? No swimming pool?
Sardar : Yes Sir
Santa Singh : Sorry, wrong number !!!!!!!!
Once Santa Singh was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly
filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the
column SEX. He was not sure as to what was to be filled there. After much
thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his application form, he
was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either
MALE or FEMALE. Again Santa thought for a long time before coming up with
an answer PREFERABLY FEMALES
Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked
"Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
Yes of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh How nice it would be I have been illiterate for so long" replied Banta
with joy :cool: :cool: :cool:
A sardar is so stupid that: -
He puts make up on his head so he can make up his mind
He gets stabbed in a shoot out
He sends a fax with a stamp on it
He tries to drown a fish
He tries to push a bird of a cliff
He thinks socialism means partying
He trips over a cordless phone
He takes a ruler to bed to see how long it sleeps
He puts Sagittarius in the box for "sign here" o the application form
He studies for a blood test and fails
He sells the car for gas money
He misses the 44 bus and takes the 22 twice
He drives to the airport and sees a sign that said "Airport Left" turns
around and goes home
He gets locked in a furniture shop and sleeps on the floor
He calls you to get your phone number
He spends 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
concentrate
He tells you to meet at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk"
He tries to put M&M's in alphabetical order
He sits on the TV and watches the couch
He thinks that a quarterback was a refund
He gets locked in a grocery store and starves to death
He would give you change when u gave him a penny for his thoughts
They had to burn down the school to get him out of third grade
He puts "Hooked on Phonics" under education on the application form
He takes 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
He would be speechless if he spoke his mind
He thinks that Boyz II men was a day-care centre
He thinks that Meow Mix was a record for cats
He ask for a price check at the dollar store
He thinks you need a token to get on Soul train
He went home and got 16 friends when he saw the NC-17 (under 17 not
admitted)
He moved when he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home
He thinks that Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
He laughs at a joke on Saturday when he was told it on the Wednesday
Three professors had walked down to the train station from the University. They were so absorbed in their conversation that they didn't hear the train arrive, but they did notice the noise of the train as it started to depart.
After a desperate rush two of them manage to scramble onboard. The third looked sad and a passing railway official said, 'Don't feel bad, atleast two out of three of you made it.'
'True', sighed the professor, 'But the other two were only here to see me off!'
Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, "I
think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I
came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the
plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Santa says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his
friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. The other day I
came home and found a jockey under our bed
Santa and Banta Singh rob a bank and mess it up, managing to escape with two sacks that they find on the floor. And they take one sack each. After awhile they meet again and one asks the other, 'What did you find in your sack?'
'Ten lakh Rupees!'
'Wow... that's a lot! What did you do with the cash?'
'I bought a house. How about your sack?'
'Bah... it was full of bills.'
'And what did you do with them?'
'Eh, well... little by little, I'm paying them off...
SantaSingh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
"Is this one one one one?", says the voice. "No, this is eleven eleven."
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night."
"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone
anyway."
Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence.
"They should not put up such misleading notices,"said Banta Singh." It said , FINE FOR PARKING HERE."
That's It For This Weekend Hope You Guys Like Them
Please Do Reply
: : :
:happy Stay Tuned For More Next Week :happy
Now I Will Update This Thread Weekly Hope You Guys Will Like Them
Contributions are Welcomed
This Week In Jokes
Once a sardarji receives a love letter from his beloved. Being an
illeterate he cannot read the letter. So keeping that letter for him for
weeks,months and years he thought how to read the letter. He thought and
thought and thought and this sardarji being a little intelligent fellow
finally he got an idea that he can go with that letter to his friend and
ask his friend to read that letter for him. So he made all the plans to
reach his friend. Finally he reached his friend's house on one fine
morning and he explains all the story, but still he does not want his
friend to know what that letter contains(the letter being very personal
and meant for only to the sardarji), so again he thought and thought and
thought for one week and finally he got an idea.......So this was the
situation what our GREAT FRIEND SARDARJI was in...can u just guess what he
is going to do with his final idea....?????
(ANS): He just closes his friend's EARS while his friend is going to read
the letter so that his friend cannot hear what he is reading.......
Santa Singh is at the railway station. He asks a man "When will Rajdhani
Express will go from here?"
Man Replies 12.30.
"When will Deccan Queen go from here?"
Man Replies 11.30.
"When will Punjab Express go from here?"
Man Replies 10.30.
Santa singh goes on asking about all the trains.
Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by train
or not.
Santa replies, "No I just want to cross the tracks!"
High-Tech American, Japanese and Banta Singh
Three men - an American, a Japanese and Banta Singh were sitting in the
sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his
forearm and the beep stoped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That
was my pager," he said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese lifted his palm to his ear.
When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a
microchip in my hand."
Banta felt decidedly low-tech but not to be outdone, decided he had to do
something just as impressive. He steped out of the sauna and went to
toilet. He returns with a piece of 'Toilet paper' hanging from his butt.
The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?" "I'm
getting a fax," he explains.
Santa Singh went to kashmir officially and called to his house over phone.
Sardar had taken the receiver.
Santa Singh : Who is speaking?
Sardar : Servant Sir.
Santa Singh : Where is the Madam?
Sardar : She is sleeping with her husband in bedroom.
Santa Singh : What? I am her husband came to Kashmir today.
Sardar : What can I do now sir?
Santa Singh : Open the cub board, pick the Gun, shoot both of them, come
back and tell me, till then I am waiting in the line.
After some time ... there comes 2 shooting sounds ... after that ...
Sardar : Yes, I did Sir. But what can i do next Sir?
Santa Singh : Open the back door, throw both of them into the swimming
pool
Sardar : There is no swimming pool in our house Sir
Santa Singh : What...? No swimming pool?
Sardar : Yes Sir
Santa Singh : Sorry, wrong number !!!!!!!!
Once Santa Singh was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly
filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the
column SEX. He was not sure as to what was to be filled there. After much
thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his application form, he
was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either
MALE or FEMALE. Again Santa thought for a long time before coming up with
an answer PREFERABLY FEMALES
Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked
"Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
Yes of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh How nice it would be I have been illiterate for so long" replied Banta
with joy :cool: :cool: :cool:
A sardar is so stupid that: -
He puts make up on his head so he can make up his mind
He gets stabbed in a shoot out
He sends a fax with a stamp on it
He tries to drown a fish
He tries to push a bird of a cliff
He thinks socialism means partying
He trips over a cordless phone
He takes a ruler to bed to see how long it sleeps
He puts Sagittarius in the box for "sign here" o the application form
He studies for a blood test and fails
He sells the car for gas money
He misses the 44 bus and takes the 22 twice
He drives to the airport and sees a sign that said "Airport Left" turns
around and goes home
He gets locked in a furniture shop and sleeps on the floor
He calls you to get your phone number
He spends 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
concentrate
He tells you to meet at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk"
He tries to put M&M's in alphabetical order
He sits on the TV and watches the couch
He thinks that a quarterback was a refund
He gets locked in a grocery store and starves to death
He would give you change when u gave him a penny for his thoughts
They had to burn down the school to get him out of third grade
He puts "Hooked on Phonics" under education on the application form
He takes 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
He would be speechless if he spoke his mind
He thinks that Boyz II men was a day-care centre
He thinks that Meow Mix was a record for cats
He ask for a price check at the dollar store
He thinks you need a token to get on Soul train
He went home and got 16 friends when he saw the NC-17 (under 17 not
admitted)
He moved when he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home
He thinks that Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
He laughs at a joke on Saturday when he was told it on the Wednesday
Three professors had walked down to the train station from the University. They were so absorbed in their conversation that they didn't hear the train arrive, but they did notice the noise of the train as it started to depart.
After a desperate rush two of them manage to scramble onboard. The third looked sad and a passing railway official said, 'Don't feel bad, atleast two out of three of you made it.'
'True', sighed the professor, 'But the other two were only here to see me off!'
Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, "I
think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I
came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the
plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Santa says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his
friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. The other day I
came home and found a jockey under our bed
Santa and Banta Singh rob a bank and mess it up, managing to escape with two sacks that they find on the floor. And they take one sack each. After awhile they meet again and one asks the other, 'What did you find in your sack?'
'Ten lakh Rupees!'
'Wow... that's a lot! What did you do with the cash?'
'I bought a house. How about your sack?'
'Bah... it was full of bills.'
'And what did you do with them?'
'Eh, well... little by little, I'm paying them off...
SantaSingh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
"Is this one one one one?", says the voice. "No, this is eleven eleven."
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night."
"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone
anyway."
Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence.
"They should not put up such misleading notices,"said Banta Singh." It said , FINE FOR PARKING HERE."
That's It For This Weekend Hope You Guys Like Them
Please Do Reply
: : : :happy Stay Tuned For More Next Week :happy
carl johnson
Club Cricketer
yeah awesome jokes man i am not able to stop laughing keep on posting i am loving them.
Last edited:
Behlol
School Cricketer
i enjoy the jokes.
Ashish_Nehra
Club Cricketer
super jokes
Good Jokes. I found these
What's the similarity between MOBILE and MARRIAGE? -
In both cases you feel "aur thoda ruk jata to accha model milta"
( Could have gotten a better model if I had waited )
Inzamam-ul-Haq was once asked a question for a change just after PAK won the match against India, for which he was not prepared...
Commentator: So INZI we have heard that your wife had a baby last week Is it true?
INZI: Bismillah-e-Rehman-e-Raheem !!! First of all I want to thank Allah. All credit goes to boyz .. boys are played really well.. it's a team effort especially Afridi work
What's the similarity between MOBILE and MARRIAGE? -
In both cases you feel "aur thoda ruk jata to accha model milta"
( Could have gotten a better model if I had waited )
Inzamam-ul-Haq was once asked a question for a change just after PAK won the match against India, for which he was not prepared...
Commentator: So INZI we have heard that your wife had a baby last week Is it true?
INZI: Bismillah-e-Rehman-e-Raheem !!! First of all I want to thank Allah. All credit goes to boyz .. boys are played really well.. it's a team effort especially Afridi work
Ashish_Nehra
Club Cricketer
nice jokes
carl johnson
Club Cricketer
coooooooooooool awesome jokes
Bling Bling II
School Cricketer
nice jokes keep it up
scorpion_rulezz
Club Cricketer
SOrry FOr not On Time 
DidN't Get Much Time To Be Online : But Now I M here Thanks For Ur REplies & Contributions Really Appreciate It 
This Week In Jokes
Paki in Mumbai
A Paki, while visiting Mumbai, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel. Passing by the New Andheri Flyover, the Paki who has never seen such big buildings asks the cab driver "What's this thing?" "That's the New Flyover, the biggest in Mumbai" replied the cabbie. "Flyover? How long did it take to build that?" asked the Paki. "About 5 years" replied the cabbie.
"5 years? We build them twice as high, twice as wide and four times as long down in Karachi, and we do that in six months."
A while later the cab driver makes his was past the Nehru Planetarium. "What's that building over there?" asks the Paki. "That's the Planetarium " replied the cabbie. "Plantarum huh ? How long'd it take to build that?" asked the Paki. "About three years" replied the cabbie. "Three years? We build them twice as high, three times as long and four times as wide as that down in Karachi, and it only takes us about two weeks."
Shortly thereafter the cabbie drives past the Air India building . "What's that building there?" asks the Paki, pointing at the tower. "I don't know" replied the cabbie, "It wasn't here when I drove by yesterday
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa Banta
Hanging and Snacks
Once Two friends Santa and Banta were sleeping on a bed,when Santa in his deep sleep had a dream where he visited the Heaven. As he was roaming in heaven he meets NaradMooni. Seeing Santa he asked him how come he was here?
Santa replied that he has come there to visit heaven and wanted to know about the perfect management n working etc. Narad was very much pleased at his attitude and tells Santa that he would like to show something you might have never ever thought of or dreamt, or not even studied in school/colleges/MBA or business etc..........
Narad asks him to follow and on following, he saw a very very very big hall with millions n billions of huge sacks hanging with different names on it n each having sand inside it, but he noticed a hole at the bottom of each sack and the sand was flowing from each one.hence some sacks where full,some half, some quarter , some two third or some one third like that.(In short all where different by size). but of curiosity he asks Narad what was all this, name /sand/hole etc.?. Narad explains him that it was a life line of each individual person living on earth. When this sack is emptied the YAMDOOT will go to earth n bring that persons soul hence that person will die.....
During this, Shankerbhagwan calls Narad,Hence Narad instructs Santa that do not move from this place and don't even touch these sacks,or play any mischief with it as it is very very important. It is a question of Life n Death.
Taking the advantage of Narad's absence,Santa went in the hall and searches for his sack (life line).After a long long search he found out his sack .(life line).where he noticed that his sack was two third empty & the sand was flowing from the bottom at little speed than the rest.Now his wicked mind came into application,He thought that suppose if he stops the flowing of the sand from the sack by putting his finger in the hole his life will increase and he may be able to live more than what he was suppose to live. He looks here n there n finding no one he puts his finger in the hole , but instantly there was a loud scream saying "hey what are you doing?"
Hence he takes out his finger and looks here n there but found no one, but the sand had started flowing at more speed then before. At this he became much upset as his life would become much shorter than actually what is was to be. He once again makes up his mind and follow the same thing once again and the same scream follows, hence once again he removes his finger from the sack and finds that the sand was flowing at a much greater speed than before, once again in tension, he sweats and shivers and trembles.
Once again he makes up his mind that no matter what may happen,he won't remove his finger from the hole of the sack and puts his finger in , once again there was a loud scream but this time he was adamant hence he does not remove his finger and after few seconds he receive a tight slap on his face and he was awakened. and found out his friend Banta out of anger saying "Twice I let you go but now that was too much............"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
SARDARJI
Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask."
The Sardar asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos.
His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?"
He said, "It's a Thermos flask."
The boss asks, "What does it do?"
He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
He compares it with the original for spelling mistakes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and wants an extra
sheet?
He makes a photocopy of the white sheet
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
THT's ALL At The Moment Will Update more Plz Do Reply
DidN't Get Much Time To Be Online : But Now I M here Thanks For Ur REplies & Contributions Really Appreciate It This Week In Jokes
Paki in Mumbai
A Paki, while visiting Mumbai, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel. Passing by the New Andheri Flyover, the Paki who has never seen such big buildings asks the cab driver "What's this thing?" "That's the New Flyover, the biggest in Mumbai" replied the cabbie. "Flyover? How long did it take to build that?" asked the Paki. "About 5 years" replied the cabbie.
"5 years? We build them twice as high, twice as wide and four times as long down in Karachi, and we do that in six months."
A while later the cab driver makes his was past the Nehru Planetarium. "What's that building over there?" asks the Paki. "That's the Planetarium " replied the cabbie. "Plantarum huh ? How long'd it take to build that?" asked the Paki. "About three years" replied the cabbie. "Three years? We build them twice as high, three times as long and four times as wide as that down in Karachi, and it only takes us about two weeks."
Shortly thereafter the cabbie drives past the Air India building . "What's that building there?" asks the Paki, pointing at the tower. "I don't know" replied the cabbie, "It wasn't here when I drove by yesterday
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa Banta
Hanging and Snacks
Once Two friends Santa and Banta were sleeping on a bed,when Santa in his deep sleep had a dream where he visited the Heaven. As he was roaming in heaven he meets NaradMooni. Seeing Santa he asked him how come he was here?
Santa replied that he has come there to visit heaven and wanted to know about the perfect management n working etc. Narad was very much pleased at his attitude and tells Santa that he would like to show something you might have never ever thought of or dreamt, or not even studied in school/colleges/MBA or business etc..........
Narad asks him to follow and on following, he saw a very very very big hall with millions n billions of huge sacks hanging with different names on it n each having sand inside it, but he noticed a hole at the bottom of each sack and the sand was flowing from each one.hence some sacks where full,some half, some quarter , some two third or some one third like that.(In short all where different by size). but of curiosity he asks Narad what was all this, name /sand/hole etc.?. Narad explains him that it was a life line of each individual person living on earth. When this sack is emptied the YAMDOOT will go to earth n bring that persons soul hence that person will die.....
During this, Shankerbhagwan calls Narad,Hence Narad instructs Santa that do not move from this place and don't even touch these sacks,or play any mischief with it as it is very very important. It is a question of Life n Death.
Taking the advantage of Narad's absence,Santa went in the hall and searches for his sack (life line).After a long long search he found out his sack .(life line).where he noticed that his sack was two third empty & the sand was flowing from the bottom at little speed than the rest.Now his wicked mind came into application,He thought that suppose if he stops the flowing of the sand from the sack by putting his finger in the hole his life will increase and he may be able to live more than what he was suppose to live. He looks here n there n finding no one he puts his finger in the hole , but instantly there was a loud scream saying "hey what are you doing?"
Hence he takes out his finger and looks here n there but found no one, but the sand had started flowing at more speed then before. At this he became much upset as his life would become much shorter than actually what is was to be. He once again makes up his mind and follow the same thing once again and the same scream follows, hence once again he removes his finger from the sack and finds that the sand was flowing at a much greater speed than before, once again in tension, he sweats and shivers and trembles.
Once again he makes up his mind that no matter what may happen,he won't remove his finger from the hole of the sack and puts his finger in , once again there was a loud scream but this time he was adamant hence he does not remove his finger and after few seconds he receive a tight slap on his face and he was awakened. and found out his friend Banta out of anger saying "Twice I let you go but now that was too much............"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
SARDARJI
Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask."
The Sardar asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos.
His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?"
He said, "It's a Thermos flask."
The boss asks, "What does it do?"
He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
He compares it with the original for spelling mistakes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and wants an extra
sheet?
He makes a photocopy of the white sheet
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
THT's ALL At The Moment Will Update more Plz Do Reply
Nice jokes! I found this one
Once Hillary Clinton has a dream in which she goes to heaven. She is greeted by an angel who takes her to a room full of many grand father style clocks. She asks the angel what are the clocks for. He says each one represent a person on Earth. When a person is born, his/her clock is at 00:00. Whenever he says a lie, the clock ticks by 1 second.
She then asks where is Bill Clinton's clock. The angel replies
" Jesus is using it as a fan"
Once Hillary Clinton has a dream in which she goes to heaven. She is greeted by an angel who takes her to a room full of many grand father style clocks. She asks the angel what are the clocks for. He says each one represent a person on Earth. When a person is born, his/her clock is at 00:00. Whenever he says a lie, the clock ticks by 1 second.
She then asks where is Bill Clinton's clock. The angel replies
" Jesus is using it as a fan"
muhammad_inzi
Club Cricketer
Funny jokes.
carl johnson
Club Cricketer
very funnnnnnnnnnnnnny jokes by scorpion_rulezz .keeeeeeeep it up dude
muhammad_inzi
Club Cricketer
Scorpion funny joke.
scorpion_rulezz
Club Cricketer
Thanks For Your Comments Guys
HerE U Go AgAiN HoPe U LiKe ThEm
MAGICIAN
For a test of his own fortitude the magician brought the biggest, strongest-looking man up on stage to assist him. He handed the man a rubber mallet and told him, "When I put my head down on this block, hit me as hard as you can. Don't worry, it won't effect me at all." The man says, "Okay."
The magician put his head down and said, "Go ahead."
Ten years later, the magician woke up in a hospital from a coma and yelled, "Ta-Da!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
FUNNY ONE
One person ask to god:
How much is thoushand million$ for you.
God said: just like a penny.
Then he asked:
How much is thoushand years for you.
God said: just like a sec.
Man said can you lent me a penny.
Then the god said wait a sec.
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AISHWARYA RAI
After a great success of Aishwarya Rai's movie Bride & Prejudice all over the world, Indian government wanted a special postage stamp with her picture on it to recognize her. Government stress that it should be world class. The stamps were released, and Indian Government & Aishwarya Rai both were pleased. But within a couple of days, began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and became furious. Indian Government ordered CBI to investigate the matter. CBI checked out at several post offices, and then reported to the Government Officials that: "The stamp is really world class. The problem is, all the peoples are licking on the wrong side of the stamp."
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ILLETERATE
One day Santa Singh goes to hunt in the jungle there he sees a tiger. As he is about to shoot the tiger.
The tiger says "Stop".
Can't you see the board there.
Shocked by this Santa sees it was written "shooting is a crime".
Ashamed Santa throws the gun.
Instantly the tiger picks it up and says now I will shoot you.
Stunned santa says "Why?. Now you cant read whats written there".
"NO" says the tiger "I am illeterate".
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LoLz
Once there was a very rich man. He called everybody and told them that he had kept a swimingpool full of insects and crocodiles. He said that who ever swim through it will get one of these:
1)My dahughter
2)Lot of gold
3)He will be my business partner
A man from the crowd jumped inside the pool and came out from the other side.The rich man asked him what do you want.
1)My dahughter
2)Lot of gold
3)want to be my business partner?
He said - "you only tell me who pushed me inside?"
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VOLUNTEER FIRE DEPARTMENT
A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out. The fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called. Though there was doubt that they would be of any assistance, the call was made.
The volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controllable parts.
The farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and so grateful that his farm had been spared, that he presented the volunteer fire department with a check for $1000.
A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds.
"That should be obvious," he responded, "the first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that stupid fire truck."
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BANTA & THE THIEF
Banta Singh, coming back from a late night movie was attacked by a thief. There was a terrific fight and Banta gave a good account for himself. But finally the thief tied him down and went through his pockets.
He found only 25 Paisa.
The exasperated robber exclaimed "What the hell.
Why were you fighting for only 25 Paisa"
Banta replied "Oh. You were only after this 25 paise is it ? I thought you were after the Rs.1,000 I have hidden in my left shoe".
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HerE U Go AgAiN HoPe U LiKe ThEm
MAGICIAN
For a test of his own fortitude the magician brought the biggest, strongest-looking man up on stage to assist him. He handed the man a rubber mallet and told him, "When I put my head down on this block, hit me as hard as you can. Don't worry, it won't effect me at all." The man says, "Okay."
The magician put his head down and said, "Go ahead."
Ten years later, the magician woke up in a hospital from a coma and yelled, "Ta-Da!"
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FUNNY ONE
One person ask to god:
How much is thoushand million$ for you.
God said: just like a penny.
Then he asked:
How much is thoushand years for you.
God said: just like a sec.
Man said can you lent me a penny.
Then the god said wait a sec.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
AISHWARYA RAI
After a great success of Aishwarya Rai's movie Bride & Prejudice all over the world, Indian government wanted a special postage stamp with her picture on it to recognize her. Government stress that it should be world class. The stamps were released, and Indian Government & Aishwarya Rai both were pleased. But within a couple of days, began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and became furious. Indian Government ordered CBI to investigate the matter. CBI checked out at several post offices, and then reported to the Government Officials that: "The stamp is really world class. The problem is, all the peoples are licking on the wrong side of the stamp."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
ILLETERATE
One day Santa Singh goes to hunt in the jungle there he sees a tiger. As he is about to shoot the tiger.
The tiger says "Stop".
Can't you see the board there.
Shocked by this Santa sees it was written "shooting is a crime".
Ashamed Santa throws the gun.
Instantly the tiger picks it up and says now I will shoot you.
Stunned santa says "Why?. Now you cant read whats written there".
"NO" says the tiger "I am illeterate".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
LoLz
Once there was a very rich man. He called everybody and told them that he had kept a swimingpool full of insects and crocodiles. He said that who ever swim through it will get one of these:
1)My dahughter
2)Lot of gold
3)He will be my business partner
A man from the crowd jumped inside the pool and came out from the other side.The rich man asked him what do you want.
1)My dahughter
2)Lot of gold
3)want to be my business partner?
He said - "you only tell me who pushed me inside?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
VOLUNTEER FIRE DEPARTMENT
A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out. The fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called. Though there was doubt that they would be of any assistance, the call was made.
The volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controllable parts.
The farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and so grateful that his farm had been spared, that he presented the volunteer fire department with a check for $1000.
A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds.
"That should be obvious," he responded, "the first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that stupid fire truck."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
BANTA & THE THIEF
Banta Singh, coming back from a late night movie was attacked by a thief. There was a terrific fight and Banta gave a good account for himself. But finally the thief tied him down and went through his pockets.
He found only 25 Paisa.
The exasperated robber exclaimed "What the hell.
Why were you fighting for only 25 Paisa"
Banta replied "Oh. You were only after this 25 paise is it ? I thought you were after the Rs.1,000 I have hidden in my left shoe".
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