CRICSTALKER INTERVIEW
Our new correspondent Umar Akmal got into action right after he joined, as he got in touch with current Indian head coach Bazood Majooz for an exclusive interview. Bazood, who was seemingly shaken from India's narrow defeat that cost them the series, initially refused to take part in the interview. But constant pampering from our new correspondent forced him to give in.
Umar: Good morning Bazood, first I know you big fan. I read all your Stalking when you are stalker. Your stalking was very entertainment. Now I interview you as coach. It is a big privilege.
Bazood: Umm......I am not entirely sure I got you there, it's very weird to be called a stalker you know. But thanks anyways. It's good to know Umar Akmal was a fan of my writings back in my old days. Oh the old days! When the only burden was to meet a nonexistent deadline, not to carry a whole nation on my back! Damn! Why is reality so cruel! Why!!!
Umar: I dont know bro I only interview you. You no interview me so I know no question. So I ask-
Bazood: 1 RUN! After all those freaking tests I made them take, THEY FALL SHORT BY 1 RUN!!! All those hours I put making them practice, ALL NAUGHT FOR 1 RUN! WHY!!! they did so well too! Finally they were getting a hang of the required run rate! SO WHY!!!!! What a disgrace! Now I will be known as a failure of a coach who lost against Pakistan on home turf! Why? WH-
Umar: Bro I told you again, I no know answer to question. Today I interview you very much. So why you keep meowing why? Why you no let me interview you?
Bazood: Oh, this was supposed to be an interview! But I'm not feeling quite well right now. I feel like a mouse trapped in a cage full of cats, but I was supposed to be the cat! No fair! I don't have much time. I just finished a conference with Dada and after this I have to go teach the players integral calculus and the DLS method. I'm already so beat! Dada talks too much! He just goes on and on about game plan and training strategy where I can't even teach them Polynomial Equations! Also why can't he even pronounce my name correctly?! I had to correct him 69 times today! That I'm not Balloon Malloom or whatever he keeps saying! (Sighs) So, I'll be a bit busy. I'm sorry for wasting your time. Tell Hauxmann and Pappu I miss them.
Umar: Wait bro you mean what time was waste I never question you. You only question me and I not answer. This is first time interview me anyone. I will let you go not you answer me question.
Bazood: Look, I did not understand a word of what you just said, and I have no desire to do so. I don't have anymore time. Please leave me alone.
Umar: I no want to alone! What do you mean alone bro I need interview! I want to be good stalker please interview me!
Bazood: Bro? Stalker? What the hell do you want to say!! Didn't I tell you to leave me alone!? I'm pretty tired! Why don't you go and learn some english before you come back to interview me again!? You get trolled for it everyday anyway! (Sigh) Now, just leave me alone.
Umar: What?! I know very much english! I speak my heart with English bro! My English steal heart of many fans in worlds! I think of you as good stalker, but you no interview me and me no English you! You are bad stalker bro! Me never interview you!
Bazood: URGGHH WHO ARE YOU CALLING A STALKER AGAIN YOU DUMB #$#$@@#$@!!?
Umar: What bro??!! You are @$$@@$@#??!
Bazood: @$$@@#$#¢¢¢€€££¥^£¢€!!????!
Umar: @$@@$£€¥¢£¥¢££€@#$@@#$?!???
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(For censorship perposes, the rest of the interview is unavailable. However, if you want, you can read the full version only on CricStalker $$. CricStalker $$ is our brand new extension to our service. Starting at only 50 rupees per minute, Get CricStalker $$ now to experience the premium CricStalking.)
Apologies
