The Jokes Thread

[manee]

No I actually thought the butler joke was decent. Certainly not the weakest. The homeless/get a room joke was I think your weakest joke by a distance. Deode-rant joke is obviously bad, but sets up the follow up.

Really? I think that 'get a room' quite a good joke, I do have one to replace that one with in the 'hilarious' routine and despite being just overwhelmingly silly, has got a good response at the one time I've tried it. 'Deode-rant' has got a good response from a crowd before but I think I covered it well and success, it made it seem like the whole thing was planned.

Student fee is also a good joke I think.

I should probably have made reference to the fact that that one is actually a true story.

Yeah, it's more to do with not rehearsing the last one enough I think. It's too forced. I think you can keep the innocent nervousness. Maybe even weave it differently? Something along the lines of wasn't until I was 20 that I realised why he never seemed to stop. MrBit... Not enough laughs.

Ok, I've got one more.

I had a butler, his name was Keep **** cleaning... Not sure if you know what I mean, and again, only one of us has done any standup before

I've got an amazing response to the last one before, let me link you to it. I know what you mean, but I think the structure is sound but delivering it a bit more quietly is something I've never tried but may be quite good...in fact, I may try that some time...

Download cssu.mp3 from Sendspace.com - send big files the easy way

This is a whole stand up show and is around an hour comprising around 7 acts. This was my third time doing stand up and most of it didn't go great. I am on at 19 minutes. Let me know what you think of the rest of the show too. This was in 2011.

 

[puddleduck]

50mb, who do you think I am? Usain Bolt?

DL it now, will try and give it all a listen at some point today or tomorrow.

 

[Themer]

Two blondes walked into a building.

You'd have thought one would have seen it.

 

[puddleduck]

First guy isn't that funny. Decent at accents, but his jokes aren't very good.

Sort of like an attempt to tap into the Jack Whitehall "I'm posh" style of comic but without any of the humility.

Girl has started with too many errrms and errrrrs. Very difficult to listen to at the start. Not a single joke really at the start, and a stuttery start. Sounds very nervous. Her story so far doesn't go anywhere. Better have a payoff...

Good lord... I can't believe you didn't tell me to skip her.

This next guy sounds like a right tool

Heh, you sound very different. Much more boistrous. In the sense that you sound more nervous (yet more polished in the more recent set).

Will leave it there for now.

 

[Themer]

?I said to the gym instructor: ?Can you teach me to do the splits?? He said: ?How flexible are you?? I said: ?I can?t make Tuesdays?.?

 

[manee]

First guy isn't that funny. Decent at accents, but his jokes aren't very good.

Sort of like an attempt to tap into the Jack Whitehall "I'm posh" style of comic but without any of the humility.

Girl has started with too many errrms and errrrrs. Very difficult to listen to at the start. Not a single joke really at the start, and a stuttery start. Sounds very nervous. Her story so far doesn't go anywhere. Better have a payoff...

Good lord... I can't believe you didn't tell me to skip her.

This next guy sounds like a right tool

Heh, you sound very different. Much more boistrous. In the sense that you sound more nervous (yet more polished in the more recent set).

Will leave it there for now.

Yeh, I sound different. People have been telling me that all year. It is because of my heart surgery which affected a nerve. It means I have a much more husky voice now (and a massive scar down my chest). The best dude is on last. Probably best to skip the one after me .

 

[puddleduck]

Would have thought you could definitely weave something from your personal experiences in... Get the audiences sympathy whilst simultaneously getting them laughing?

Must be a funny heart surgery based joke somewhere! Also congrats on the successful op.

Ha yeah, started listening to her, then decided it was time to do something else! Will listen to the last guy and see what he seems like.

It's funny, because comedy is in reality a very serious business. Even the irreverant is often planned, and a well prepared comedian is normally just looking to put their pieces together on the night. Like a jigsaw. Even the best freestyle rappers and comedians are often adlibbing but using predefined jokes or bars.

 

[manee]

Would have thought you could definitely weave something from your personal experiences in... Get the audiences sympathy whilst simultaneously getting them laughing?

Must be a funny heart surgery based joke somewhere! Also congrats on the successful op.

I've had plans for a whole set about my time suffering from cancer. I'm slowly working it together but I don't think it will be ready any time soon. Possibly will do it at the university early next academic year. It has the chance to be great but also the far greater chance to be cringe, upsetting and unfunny. Currently, all I have touched on it was the following night to the video where I was at the university and noted:

"I was ill over the summer, very ill. I had two chest surgeries and my life was in the balance. The worst thing about it all was that treatment made me lose my hair. This was horrible as the only girl I ever loved used to be turned on by massive hair...talk about an afro-desiac". An okay joke, but not the best, obviously.

It's funny, because comedy is in reality a very serious business. Even the irreverant is often planned, and a well prepared comedian is normally just looking to put their pieces together on the night. Like a jigsaw. Even the best freestyle rappers and comedians are often adlibbing but using predefined jokes or bars.

Stewart Lee is the key example of planning every little detail. Been re-watching series 2 of Comedy Vehicle and the episode about crisps has a bit about the "Worcester Regiment" which genuinely convinces the audience that they are ahead of the game. He is very much more of a standard comedian* than people think, but he still does have moments of genius like that.

*All comedians, in essence are very simple. Even the ones with a more chatty style do effectively shoe-horn traditional one-liner jokes into their set. Moreover, a lot of jokes follow the same format of a twist and even the twists themselves seem to be relatively homogenized.

 

[puddleduck]

If I watch too much standup in a row, it starts to all blend into the same. Indeed, if there has only ever been 7 books written and they've just been rehashed a million times, then an even less amount of comedy sketches have been written.

Have you ever read/seen the play "Comedians" by Trevor Griffiths?

"Ladies and gentlemen, first will you please accept my apology (if anyone clever shouts no! you instantly say, well you don't even know what I'm saying sorry for yet, don't make it you [or something better, whatever I'm not a comedian]), for I know this is a comedy evening, and you're here to laugh, but over the summer I twice underwent chest surgery, and quite literally my life was in the balance. It was a very difficult time for my family and of course myself, worst of all being that my hair began to fall out. This was especially painful as the only girl I had ever loved used to be turned on by massive hair. Talk about an afro-desiac! [Oh, and at least my operation was a success, and I was able to wake up cancer free, unfortunately Mr No will still wake up a prick - Cheers Churchill]

 

[The Rock]

This thread beats all of these 202 pages!

 

[sami ullah khan]

I miss Zayed Cricket

 

[BlitzBerg]

This thread beats all of these 202 pages!

Seems like Planetcricket had great talent. We should have a new season of it

 

[The Rock]

I miss Zayed Cricket

We have Hamza now.

 

[ste_mc_efc]

Great stuff Manee and kudos for having the balls to do it.

I wrote some comedy pieces back when i was around 17 (just checked the files and they were last updated in 08) and I was keen to try it out but then stuff got in the way. It's definitely something I want to do at least once at some point.

 

[pcfan123]

You could have been the next Carrottop Ste