yashwanth kumar
Panel of Selectors
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2008
- Location
- Bangalore , India
zorax blazerix :hpraise
The Jokes Thread
- Thread starter scorpion_rulezz
- Start date
Prithvi
10 years at Planetcricket
Teacher :Which part of Human body
Expands 10 times its normal size?
Girl:I cant answer this question. I feel shy!
Boy replies:Its the Pupil of Human Eye.
Teacher:Right!
Then turns to the girl: Listen girl your thinking is wrong
and your expectations are too high.
=============================================
Boy: what is that you keep in your mouth
which is 6 long
and move it in and out
and wait for a white substance to come out?
Girl: why do you ask such question to me.
i cant tell such words
Boy:dont worry its tooth brush
======================================
Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Tommy: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
:laugh:laugh
Expands 10 times its normal size?
Girl:I cant answer this question. I feel shy!
Boy replies:Its the Pupil of Human Eye.
Teacher:Right!
Then turns to the girl: Listen girl your thinking is wrong
and your expectations are too high.
=============================================
Boy: what is that you keep in your mouth
which is 6 long
and move it in and out
and wait for a white substance to come out?
Girl: why do you ask such question to me.
i cant tell such words
Boy:dont worry its tooth brush
======================================
Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Tommy: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
:laugh:laugh
AkshayS
Chairman of Selectors
^some adult I think, still quality ones.:laugh:laugh:laugh:laugh
sachin_rocks
International Cricketer
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2010
- Online Cricket Games Owned
JOKES
A girls first time
As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
Excuse me, What were you thinkin'?
________________________________________
Why Lie Detector Robot Slapped?
One day Johny's dad bought a robot.
The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap theperson who lied on the face.Johny returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, " Son why are you late from school?"
Johny answered, "Dad we had extra classes today".
Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and slapped Johny on his face.
His dad told him that this robot is special in that he can detect alie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me thetruth, "Why are you late?"
"Dad I went for a movie"," Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments", Johny got a tight slap on the face from the robot."No dad honestly, I went for the movie Beauty Queen."
Shame on you son when I was your age I never used to do such shameful things."Splatt, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.
Hearing all this, Johny's mother comes walking out of the kitchen saying, "After all he is your son, he will be like you!!", to which the robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on Johny's mothers' face.
_______________________________________________________
Dance at Halloween Party
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. Wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, she decided to go the party.
Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said:
Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.
Did you dance much?
I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to......."
_________________________________________________________________
Son of a bitch
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
______________________________________________
These jokes will really crack anyone up:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl
A girls first time
As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
Excuse me, What were you thinkin'?
________________________________________
Why Lie Detector Robot Slapped?
One day Johny's dad bought a robot.
The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap theperson who lied on the face.Johny returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, " Son why are you late from school?"
Johny answered, "Dad we had extra classes today".
Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and slapped Johny on his face.
His dad told him that this robot is special in that he can detect alie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me thetruth, "Why are you late?"
"Dad I went for a movie"," Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments", Johny got a tight slap on the face from the robot."No dad honestly, I went for the movie Beauty Queen."
Shame on you son when I was your age I never used to do such shameful things."Splatt, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.
Hearing all this, Johny's mother comes walking out of the kitchen saying, "After all he is your son, he will be like you!!", to which the robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on Johny's mothers' face.
_______________________________________________________
Dance at Halloween Party
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. Wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, she decided to go the party.
Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said:
Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.
Did you dance much?
I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to......."
_________________________________________________________________
Son of a bitch
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
______________________________________________
These jokes will really crack anyone up:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl
Themer
Chairman of Selectors
Isn't it discrimination that Gingers can only use two lifelines in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?
jim555
School Cricketer
I was in Scotland once and a guy was playing the guitar. Once he had finished the song he said
'' Now if you want to receive emails about my upcoming shows please give me money so I can buy a computer '':laugh
'' Now if you want to receive emails about my upcoming shows please give me money so I can buy a computer '':laugh
Last edited:
ahmed shah
International Coach
LOLZ:rtfl:rtflA girls first time
As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
Excuse me, What were you thinkin'?
________________________________________
Why Lie Detector Robot Slapped?
One day Johny's dad bought a robot.
The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap theperson who lied on the face.Johny returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, " Son why are you late from school?"
Johny answered, "Dad we had extra classes today".
Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and slapped Johny on his face.
His dad told him that this robot is special in that he can detect alie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me thetruth, "Why are you late?"
"Dad I went for a movie"," Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments", Johny got a tight slap on the face from the robot."No dad honestly, I went for the movie Beauty Queen."
Shame on you son when I was your age I never used to do such shameful things."Splatt, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.
Hearing all this, Johny's mother comes walking out of the kitchen saying, "After all he is your son, he will be like you!!", to which the robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on Johny's mothers' face.
_______________________________________________________
Dance at Halloween Party
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. Wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, she decided to go the party.
Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said:
Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.
Did you dance much?
I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to......."
_________________________________________________________________
Son of a bitch
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
______________________________________________
These jokes will really crack anyone up:rtfl:rtfl:rtfl
ankurcshah
International Coach
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2008
- Location
- India
One of the best jokes.
Varun
ICC Board Member
- Joined
- Mar 14, 2009
- Location
- Delhi, India
- Online Cricket Games Owned
- Don Bradman Cricket 14 - Steam PC
Aren't we getting too much dirty , eh?
sachin_rocks
International Cricketer
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2010
- Online Cricket Games Owned
Aren't we getting too much dirty , eh?
scroll the thread 90 percent of the jokes are sexual all are jokes dont take too seriously dude chill
sachin_rocks
International Cricketer
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2010
- Online Cricket Games Owned
mate this incident is also in 3 idiots film
P
pcfan123
Guest
Its a really old joke that is beaten to death in different formats
thedon5
Panel of Selectors
blazerix
County Cricketer
Aren't we getting too much dirty , eh?
Calm down dude.
