Story Hot and Sticky Tour (ENG vs WI)

[tigerdes]

RB: Well f**k me if we haven't been away for a while. It's good to be back with an update on England's attempt to reach 381 to win this Test match. With both sides posting pretty p*ss poor scores so far We find ourselves in the middle of the third day and the fourth inning. A draw is not an option and England would have been disappointed to lose Michael Vaughan to one of the worst Umpiring decisions I have ever seen. The ball clearly travelling down the leg side but the Umpire's finger was up quicker than a greyhound on heat.

Trescothick and Butcher bashed a few about before Butcher ran himself out. Tresco copped a beaut of a short ball from Collymore that took his head clean off...

MW: In comes Colleymore right foot first, then the left then the right again follow swiftly by the left, right, left in fairly quick succession and that's a rapid delivery and..oh well that's a tragedy Marcus Trescothick head's come clean off Bill.

BL: Well he'll have to retire hurt here surely Marcus Trescothick that one has clocked fully on the back of his head and he's lucky it didn't drop onto the stumps!!

TG: But what's this, oh well Marcus Trescothick is waving away the stretcher and calling for the staple gun nad Umpire Strikes Back is stapling his head back on. What a sight here and Tresco giving Colleymore a big f**k you as he prepares to face the next ball.

BL: Well that's a very foolish decision by Marcus Trescothick. You can't expect to be able to maintain the reactions of a test batsmen after your head's been taken off.

TG: Blow it out your arse Bill, Tresco is heroically staying in the breach to try and guide his team to an unlikely victory here.

BL: Got him yes, go on p*ss off your out. I told you it was a foolish decision to carry on and Marcus Trescothick has been yorked by an absolute peach by Colleymore. He was a bout four days late on that shot and he's gone. Chasing 381 to win England are 99/3.

RB: Well it didn;t get much better for ENgland and Nasser Hussain dragged a short one back onto his stumps shortly afterwards leaving England 106/4 and surely out of this match. It's gonna take a miracle to get them back from here!!

 

[The_gas]

come on tigerdes pull your finger out your ass and continue this thread and tour

 

[tigerdes]

Scorecard

 

[The_gas]

nice commentary as always. Welcome to loss ville, population, you!

 

[madmattg]

Now that is a bloody bad decision. I just love the plumb ones that dont even so much as get a look in aswell.

 

[tigerdes]

Hey the show's not over until Flintoff and Thorpe are out!!! As for the LBW thing Matt I couldn't agree more. I hate it when you pitch one and the CPU doesn;t play a shot and it hits them just outside the line of off stump. And the umpire runs to the side as if he's just been hit by a stiff gale!!!

Afraid I'm off again this weekend so you'll have to wiat till Wednesday to see if I pull this one out of my arse. Can;t see it happnin' though:

 

[madmattg]

Very funny. Stiff gale. More like hes got a harsh case of the Bali Flu, running for the toilet when he realises is just too damn late.

 

[m_vaughan]

I think I saw Andrew Caddick somewhere

 

[tigerdes]

RB: Well tickle me with a feather duster and call me an ornament if I didn't get my last prediction right. England's attempt at fighting back in this Test match seems doomed to failure as they finished day three 261/8. A 44 run partnership between Thorpe and Flintoff carried England to 150 before Thorpe played around one and it went straight through the gate. Really foolich stuff that and I'm sure Thorpey will be looking to lock that gate in future.

Flintoff followed him afer another 44 run partnership, this time with Collingwood. He spooned a tame one to Lara at short cover and by that stage it was looking a bit desperate for England. Chris Read had other ideas smashing 38 as England moved to 246 but his dismissal, followed shortly afterwards by that of Ashley Giles means that in England are in a word, "F**ked!".

Lara has compunded things by employing a field tighter than the arse of a duck with chronic constipation and the England batsmen are really struggling to break through that 'ring'.

We look forward to your company tomorrow when England will lose this Test Match and the series will become 2-1. That is unless a hurricane rains off play, there is a major earthquake or Caddick and Collingwood perform some serious heroics. England require 120 to win, and there's more chance of me doing a naked tango with Tony Greig than that happening.

 

[tigerdes]

RB: And teh dismal England scorecard, showing how a number of batsmen seem to have got nose bleeds once they got going!!!

 

[The_gas]

If only you can break that ring? Sounds nastier than a peodiaphille ring at play school Just let Collingwood dominate the strike im sure Caddick wil be passive. Look at all those batsmen who got a start and didnt go on

 

[tigerdes]

RB: Well welcome back to the cricket. Paul Collingwood has played with verve and panache becoming the only England player in the match to score a half century. He really has given the Windies batsmen a torrid time, miling them for ones and twos and then smacking the ball over the infield for the occasional boundary. Magnificent effort that and I'm sure he'll have earnt a lot more respect from the team.

 

[The_gas]

you can do it keep the faith

 

[tigerdes]

RB: Well the Windies weren't too happy with that especially when Andy Caddick joined the party hoisting Taylor over the cover boundary for a monumental six. Lara chose to take the new ball and soon the Windies bowlers, with no fear of jug eared retribution, began peppering the big man with a bombardment worthy of nuclear conflict. And f**k me if the lanky England paceman didn't start to cry and it was those salty droplets that proved to be his downfall. Vision blurred, he hung his bat out to dry outside the off stump, the ball cannoned off the inside edge and Caddick became the fourth batsmen bowled playing on.

Harmison provided some entertainment edging his first two deliveries for fours and then the milking began again, it was like watching a dairy farm at the crack of dawn with England teasing ones and twos, particularly on the leg side. At one stage it seemed as though my brash comments of yesterday were coming back to haunt me and I'm willing to admit that as Collingwood moved effortlessly into the sixties I began to do some stomach crunches to tighten up the old six pack.

It wasn't to be though and Collingwood was eventually out for 67 caught at point trying to get one over the infield. A win for the West Indies of 49 runs and my did they celebrate. The series score now 2-1 to England with two to play.

 

[tigerdes]

RB: Good effort from Collingwood with the bat, but a distinct lack of boundaries from England.